Swallow down your soul, and try on a cheap wig – – it’s time for some more Preacher y’all! Here we are once again, barreling through season three. Nice to have you with me. In a world where god is a dalmatian man and the messiah is an inbred idiot, it’s good to have a pal to share some laughs with. This season is shaping up to be a hell of a thing and I’m with ya ’til the end of the world dear reader. The end of the world. Let’s see what’s in store for us in season three, episode nine, “Schwanzkopf.” Last week was rough, but I’m sure nothing bad will happen this week.
1. One Way Ticket to Hell and Back
Tulip’s confidence game is flawless. She stared down the literal Angel of Death and got everything she wanted. Her arch-nemesis had a noose around her neck and was taking her place in the underworld. She got the right briefcase. She got away with it. And then she had to go and remember she had a conscience. Oh, also Arseface ratted her out. That’s how Tulip got on the bus.
You’d think the wonderful Tulip O’Hare combined with Eugene “Arseface” Root, Adolf Hitler, the Angel of Death and the Saint of Killers could lead to some killer comedy, but the bus ride was pretty subdued. Not a lot happened with this delightful band. There were some comically animated escape plans, but they didn’t go anywhere, until all hell broke loose (sorry) and the gang ended up in …the Nazi part of Hell? Wha-huh!?
2. Trouble with a capital T, which rhymes with P, which stands for pool.
Eccarius and Cassidy have been put in a classic television story. By framing the two of them against each other, we learn a lot about them and since Cassidy is the vampire we care about, Eccarius becomes a good foil for the more charming vamp. Theirs is a story about a dude who lies to himself, and a dude who fesses up to the bad stuff he does. It’s as simple as that. “We’re this close to happiness,” Eccarius insists. “I’d rather be sad,” Cassidy retorts, which is legit pretty heartbreaking, Joseph Gilgun has proven time and again that there is no material he can’t sell.
And so, Cass gets framed. And crucified on a pool table. And humiliated. It turns out when you have no friends of your own, it’s pretty easy to be overwhelmed. Eccarius’s turn to full fledged evil hypocrite was a bit much to take though. I’d call it Cass’s darkest hour, but there’s sunlight involved, so he’s pretty screwed.
3. How Jessie got his groove back
“Let me die a Christian,” Jessie asks the All-Father. It’s a flimsy move, but this show is a cartoon, and thus I’ll roll with it. And honestly, it all comes back to the stellar cast. Jessie’s smile when he finally gets to blow the All-Father into gory chunks is everything. It’s the whole show. Jessie is equal parts good and bad, he’s a superpowered uber-human who is also an everyman. It was all in that smile.
Also worth noting: I’ve seen Ash Williams fight a living intestine, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen a disembodied anus, so that’s something.
4. Grailpocalypse
With a satisfying Christmas-themed needle drop, Jessie and Starr crawl through the bloody chunks for his soul. And this is Jessie’s show, so he wins.
Starr seems to have really lost the plot though when it comes to his evil plan. He was going to replace Humperdoo with Jessie to be the Messiah right? So if Jessie doesn’t want to play nice, why not just lie and grab another messiah? And sure, Jessie dressed Humperdoo up like every other Grail goon, but Humperdoo doesn’t lay low. He should be easy to find. I don’t really know what Starr is trying to accomplish, but it’s clear he’s doing a lousy job.
5. “No more hats”
“No more hats?” Damn, that’s just mean. We end on a sad wig montage, which seems only fitting. Plus, Hoover just kind of shows up, announcing that he’s a vampire now. No one seems to care. Except for me! I care Hoover!
Next week, a Nazi-and-devil-packed finale!
Oh and the title of the episode, “Schwanzkopf?” That’s German for dickhead.
