Times change. Ventures grow. The last eleven Chapters helped the growing process of Progress to the point where The Garage will no longer be good enough. As the major storyline dealing with Jimmy Havoc’s reign begins to kick into gear, a change of scenery is needed, one that will become synonymous with the brand.
Chapter Twelve is the first of many Chapters to take place in The Electric Ballroom, Camden, London. The card for it is:
Paul Robinson vs Tommy End
Grado vs Mad Man Manson
Will Ospreay vs Zack Gibson (Natural Progression Series)
Bhangra Knights vs London Riots (Street Fight)
FSU vs Project Ego vs Screw Indy Wrestling for the Progress Tag Team Championship
Doug Williams vs Dave Mastiff
Jimmy Havoc vs Marty Scurll vs Rampage Brown vs El Ligero for the Progress Championship
1. The New Digs
It wasn’t going to be in The Garage forever. With word of mouth traveling so much, it was becoming much quicker to sell out the venue (How fast? According to Smallman on Flash Morgan Webster’s podcast, they sold out the 350 person Garage for Chapter Eleven in eighty seconds). And as someone who didn’t start following the promotion until the late-Chapter 50s, the Electric Ballroom has always been Progress. A lot more spacious, balcony standing space, staging area that can be used as an entrance for the wrestlers, the large elevated area for the AV equipment as opposed to the hardcam overlooking everything. It looks a lot more clean.
Also: wood floor and high ceiling. Those might be important later.
2. The Comedy Match
“The following contest is a title unification match for Grado’s Bumbag Championship and Mad Man Manson’s Balls!” Trust me, it makes just as much sense in context.
I feel like comedy matches can get a bum rap at times from a good portion of fans. Partially because of the contingent of self-important jackasses who take this stupid thing we all like way too seriously. Partially because I think most people’s examples of comedy matches come from WWE, who, with obvious exceptions, do comedy about as well as a Slip n’ Slide at your grandmother’s wake. However, when they are done well, like with Grado and Manson here, they’re a real treat when done sparingly.
The match runs just a bit under ten minutes but it involves such spots as the two playing “I’m not touching you,” parodying the Rock/Hogan crowd look moment from Wrestlemania X-Seven, shouting out spots loudly, parodying the Jack and Rose at the ship bow from Titanic (complete with the Celine Dion song. I’m not kidding), referee Chris Roberts trying to pull them off the turnbuckle only to do a double german suplex on them, Grado busted open (a ketchup packet) after being hit with the Bumbag Championship and Grado getting the win after a Rock Bottom, Stone Cold Stunner and Pedigree. I know this feels like Explaining the Joke, but for a short bit, it’s a lot of fun and mixes the card up a bit.
3. Trouble in Essex?
The Natural Progression Series match between Zack Gibson and Will Ospreay was a fine match (this is Pre-One of the Best Heels in Wrestling Gibson so no promo) that served a double purpose. The first was that it removed Ospreay from the tournament in the first round, not unlike the last tournament. The second was how he loses. Ospreay was accompanied by his Swords of Essex partner, Paul Robinson (himself losing to Tommy End early on) and during the match, Robinson tries to distract the ref for Will, but that gave Gibson all he needed to pick up the win. Afterward, there was quite a bit of tension between the two, particularly from young William. Even though they do hug at the end, you can feel the tension still simmering. Could this be setting up something down the line?
4. Your New Tag Team Champions
Oh God! I forgot the Tag Championships started as trash can lids!
I mean, we all remember the Nazi Staff but this just hit me like a freight train. Okay, they’re not trash lids, they’re kind of a shield with two pieces in a yin-yang shape (see the featured image on this article). Not unlike the Progress Championship, I get wanting to be unique, but these are just not good designs. The sooner they change over to the belts with that yin-yang symbol, the better.
Continued belowAs for the match itself, a triple threat between Project Ego (Martin Kirby and Kris Travis), Screw Indy Wrestling (Nathan Cruz and Mark Haskins) and FSU (Mark Andrews and Eddie Dennis), it’s pretty good. I was annoyed with the crowd during introductions when SIW’s personal announcer, Katherine, came on. Now, I get the booing. Fair, they’re heels. Boo as you will. But we really didn’t need the “Get Out Your Tits!” chant. We’re still a bit from the “Don’t Be a Dick!” philosophy, huh crowd?
All six do a fine job, but the stars of this match are FSU. It’s really weird seeing Eddie Dennis over so much, especially when compared to nowadays when he’s pulling promos like this one and being a genuine madman. The big-man, fast-man combination of the two worked so well, they are very in synch with each other, and use that teamwork incredibly well to become the inaugural Progress Tag Team Champions. Which is great. They deserve it. However, there is a bit of a problem with that which I’ll explain in a bit.
5. By the Skin of Your Teeth
The Four-Corners Match between Marty Scurll, Rampage Brown, El Ligero and Jimmy Havoc begins with Jim Smallman demanding that Havoc send away the London Riots and Isaac Zercher, the man that helped Havoc last Chapter, or else Smallman will strip him of the title. Surprisingly, Havoc accepts. Why? Simple. Being that it’s a Four-Corners Match, it means the match is also No Disqualification. Cheekily, Smallman says fine, just as Scurll nails Havoc with a steel chair, knocking the champion out of the ring. “How’s that feel, motherfucker?!” And the match begins.
“Resiliency” is the name of the game here, especially for Havoc, as the first ten minutes is just brawling pretty much everywhere except the ring. The bar, the crowd, the stairwell leading up to the balcony area all of it becomes part of the match. We have a giant of a man in Rampage, a high flyer in Ligero, a technical and proficient all-rounder in Scurll, and a psychopath in Havoc. It really serves as a nice balance of personalities. When you start hearing the crowd chant “Si! Si! Si! Si!” don’t be shocked to see a wild Ligero fly in from out of nowhere.
One spot that scared the crap out of me was when Rampage and Havoc were back in the ring, Rampage lifted Jimmy above his head and threw him out of the ring onto the wood floor. Now bear in mind, Rampage is huge. He’s about 11’3’’ (That’s accurate. Don’t look it up) and he’s lifting Havoc over his head, as well as the added height of the ring canvas. The other thing to keep in mind was Scurll and Ligero didn’t catch Havoc! If I didn’t know what was coming, I would’ve thought something went very wrong.
But still, Havoc won’t go down, even as Rampage throws a chair at Havoc. Then another. Then another. Then another. Scurll and Ligero pile more chairs into the ring for Rampage to throw, but by the end, the closest they can get is Jimmy to fall to his knees, who promptly throws up the double middle fingers at his opponents. Rampage, Scurll and Ligero look all ready to smash Havoc with chairs before Ligero and Scurll hit Rampage. This was a questionable spot for me, even though commentary tried to play it up as the allure of winning the Championship was too much.
The end came when Rampage got Scurll in a piledriver and came within milliseconds of becoming a two-time champion when Havoc, somehow managing to get up, smashes Rampage with a chair and then pins Scurll to retain the belt. Rampage… is not pleased, grabbing the tired Havoc and performing an elevated piledriver. And then, after the chants of “One More Time!” (including Smallman on the mic) does it again before leaving. This is when Smallman gets in the ring and talks to Jimmy, saying he’s got a Plan B, just to be safe.
And who comes out? The man everyone calls the true Progress Champion, Mark Andrews, who notes the high ceilings that the Ballroom has. It’s here that it is announced that the main event of Chapter 13 will be Jimmy Havoc will defend his title against Mark Andrews in the promotion’s first Ladder Match.
This match was a nice bit of carnage that shows just how determined Havoc his to keep his title, the the thought of Havoc and Andrews in a Ladder Match is sweet… but there is one little thing tempering it: FSU winning the Tag Belts. It does kind of suck out some suspense for next time, because would they honestly put both of the companies championships on one guy?
But that’s for next time…
