Television 

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Betty & Veronica Double Feature”

By | May 25th, 2023
Posted in Television | % Comments

What’s up river-bitches?! I’ve noticed that Riverdale’s final season has settled into a bit of a rhythm. Every third episode is “the sexy one” while the other two lean into the two other genres of the show: horror or “serious melodrama.”

And I know what you’re all gonna say: “But Elias. You’re forgetting the fourth genre: Absolute batshit nonsense.” You’re right but the fourth is like The Crawling Eye: everywhere you least expect it, exactly where you most want it, and presented without regard for cohesion of tone.

As always, spoilers ahead.

1. Two That Are One

Everytime Riverdale decides to play with its format, I get excited. Often these are the most fun and most unique feeling episodes. We already had our true anthology episode. Why not have a double digest focusing entirely on our two leading ladies: Betty and Veronica?

I was actually expecting the episode to be split neatly down the middle with two 22-minute vignettes. While it was the right call in this case not to do it that way, I’m a little sad there wasn’t more format breaking. Still, the intercutting of the two stories and the lack of intersection between them was great. It helped them feel independent while keeping the energy up throughout.

Like, Betty’s story was very talking head heavy and it could’ve really dragged if we didn’t keep cutting back to Veronica trying to make the Babylonium work. I think more Riverdale episodes (and more CW shows) could benefit from the kind of focus we got here. There’s usually way way too many things happening in one episode and, to be sure, there are a couple side-plots playing out, but for the most part, Betty & Ronnie are the stars of the show.

Shine those spotlights brighter. They won’t have many more chances to get them, after all.

2. Does This Mean Dilton is the Virgin Sacrifice?

Of all the ways “Betty & Veronica Double Digest” could have paid off the preview from last week, I would not have predicted it to be a mixture of hilarious “Who does Betty wanna fuck?” montages, unsettling Silence of the Lambs-esque conversation framing, and a near breakthrough for Betty’s Mom. I did expect Betty to turn the tables on Werthers at some point, though I was hoping it would be in a much more spectacularly Riverdale way. What we got was fine, just slightly less fun.

I don’t wanna talk about the great use of Betty & Werthers’ contrasting readings (or in Werthers’ case, misreading) and understandings of Nabakov’s “Lolita” to tell a micro story about these characters and comment on the macro, cultural association of it in the US especially after Kubrick’s 1962 film adaptation. OK, I kinda do, but I want to talk about the horrifying implication of the splooge volcano more. Oh yes. You read that right.

What’s my problem with the splooge volcano? Well. To put it succinctly: it’s red! You don’t want that symbolism to be red! I get that it’s lava and Dilton is definitely the kind of nerd who would insist on accuracy. I get that it needs to be obscured enough for the censors. But this is Betty’s sex fantasy so throw reality out the window entirely. Let the volcano splooge a non-concerning color! I would have laughed just as hard.

Am I the only one that finds this more than mildly disconcerting?

Oh and before I forget: Bi Betty is confirmed! Fuck yeah. It’s a shame it’ll only be explored a little in this fantasy most likely. Don’t get me wrong. I like Betty & Archie as a couple. I just think Veronica and Betty would be a much more fun choice.

3. More Than 4 Studios? Truly the Golden Age of Cinema

Just how fucking powerful are Veronica’s parents in Hollywood? Like, I get that they’re movie stars and all but to get every single studio, from major to minor, to blacklist this one theater for no real reason takes some serious clout. Maybe I’m underestimating just how petty the industry is – and I probably am – as well as overestimating the impact cutting one theater out would have. It is pretty fucked to send over a purposely over-exposed print though.

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The archivist in me, and the film enthusiast, let out an audible gasp when it was revealed. We’ve lost so many films due to studio negligence, bad luck, and over-extended copyright laws preventing the independent preservation of aging film stock and other potentially fragile media (VHS & early digital film most notably.) I get that it’s the 50s. Still…OOF it hurts.

But you know what hurts more? Veronica putting Reggie second to the Babylonium as soon as it starts to get big. Oh Veronica. You really stepped in it again. And to add insult to injury she’s kicked out of her apartment because her parents are THE WORST. I guess that’s another parallel we’ve got between Betty & Veronica this week.

4. Mother No More

We’ve been building to some sort of legitimate confrontation between Alice and Betty for quite a while now. I’ve been very vocal about my dislike of Alice while also appreciating the ways the show has finally aligned her characterization and her treatment by others. 50s Alice is emotionally abusive and manipulative, yes, but she’s also clearly carrying a lot of baggage. There’s more to the story that is particular to her as well as being indicative of the repressive femininity she has to conform to and feels she has to force her daughter into as well.

Everyone in her life is telling Alice, tacitly or directly, that if Betty is not a “paragon of womanly virtue” then she is a failure as a mother. And because that is the only role she is allowed to fill, failure is not an option. Most likely because she knows what “failure” looks like from Betty’s end and is deeply, existentially terrified of such a prospect, whether that reason is personal – Hal’s looking especially sinister now – or purely societal remains to be seen.

I keep coming back to the question of whether Alice deserves absolution. I know you’re probably tired of me asking it. I just can’t seem to let it go. Much of the reason is because that’s how these narratives happen in TV. Once a character’s noxious actions can be explained and attributed to more “noble” reasons or past traumas, the bad stuff melts away. It’s bullshit, to be sure, but does beg the better question of what healing looks like in this situation.

SHOULD Betty forgive her Mom for these egregious and constant transgressions completely? Should she keep fighting to get through when every step forward leads to 12 steps back? When is enough, enough? It’s frustrating to watch because ultimately I don’t think the show will let Betty do anything except fully embrace her mom. Even when Alice essentially disowns her at the end of the episode for G-d knows what reasons Hal probably fed her, Betty won’t genuinely reckon with it and get Alice to truly understand, and work to fix, the pain SHE’S caused.

Prove me wrong Riverdale. I’ll be waiting by Betty’s broken into diaries.

5. Wibbly-Wobbly. Timey-Wimey. Costumes.

Back in “Dirty Dancing,” I ragged on Ronnie’s “film is magical” ad, as if there’s something intrinsically “noble” about film as an art form. While I disagree with the premise, there is something magical about watching a film in a theater with other people. I would not have enjoyed Avengers: Infinity War nearly as much as I did were it not for seeing it in a packed house.

I can’t explain why sitting in a room full of a hundred people who are afraid to make a noise during a dramatic climax or bursting into uncontrollable laughter or cheering when the big bad gets socked on the jaw is any different from feeling the same emotions alone. The big screen, the all-encompassing sound, the shared reactions, I just love it so much. It’s why I willingly sit through a 24-hour sci-fi marathon every year, full of stinkers, classics, and hidden gems.

Anyway, this is all a roundabout way of saying that “Betty & Veronica Double Digest” did an excellent job of making the case for the experience of the movie theater. Sure it did it with Reggie and Archie dressed up as eyeball creatures but the sentiment was clearly and effectively conveyed. I was reminded why I get together to watch things with my friends. Why I make plans to see films in theaters.

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Why the communal is vital for the soul.

That about does it for now! What did you think of our double feature? Was there enough Betty & Veronica to sate your palette? Enough Reggie? Enough sad boy Jughead reading books? Let me know in the comments and I’ll see you in a week for, hopefully, an actual return to the supernatural mystery plaguing this fair town. And also hopefully Ethel’s escape from the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Until then, get that splooge volcano checked out Riverdale.

Best Line of the Night:

Betty: “High school in general is a highly sexualized environment, isn’t it?”


//TAGS | Riverdale

Elias Rosner

Elias is a lover of stories who, when he isn't writing reviews for Mulitversity, is hiding in the stacks of his library. Co-host of Make Mine Multiversity, a Marvel podcast, after winning the no-prize from the former hosts, co-editor of The Webcomics Weekly, and writer of the Worthy column, he can be found on Twitter (for mostly comics stuff) here and has finally updated his profile photo again.

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