Television 

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Climax”

By | January 21st, 2021
Posted in Television | % Comments

…Hello? …Y’all still there? *taps on mic* Is this thing on? Good. Good. Ahem.

Welcome back all you Riverdale fans! It’s been a while since last we chatted. I know time is fake and 2020 has collectively proven that it’s a malleable construct such that in the 8 1/2 months that have passed since the season 4 finale, 6 years, 1 month, and 3 days have passed BUT it’s still longer than I originally thought it would be. I should have known better but, hey, things were different all those decades ago. Riverdale, however, hasn’t missed a trick and we’re right back where we were with snuff films, suspicious brothers, suspicious sisters, and those patented Riverdale what the fuck are you doing storytelling choices.

So strap on your leather chaps, stream your copy of Death Bed: The Bed Who Eats and settle in with your Weirdo Hats. And as always, spoilers ahead.

1. Put the Knife Away

Can we talk about how, after Jug & Betty call the FBI to the cabin in the woods, their first thought as to how to catch “The Auteur” is to fake a snuff film? Like…is that really Plan A? What kind of people think that’s Plan A? And then, AND THEN, plan B is to show actually footage of Betty’s dad as a kid? Why the fuck do they have that tape and, uh, how the fuck did they get it? Did we see this in a previous episode and I just didn’t notice? Better question, what was it even filmed on??? Am I to believe that Hal’s parents bought a Camcorder in the mid-to-late 80s and recorded their kid on it in this way and then kept the tape?

How old even is Hal? He’s older than Alice and the flashback episode to when they’re all teenagers, “The Midnight Club,” takes place according to the Riverdale Wiki — yes I did go to the Wiki for this — in 1992 which places Hal as being born AT LEAST in the mid to late 70s. In the video, he looks to be somewhere between 6 and 10 (and that’s, again, being generous,) which means that, assuming he was ONLY one year older than Alice, and he was at max 10, the video is from circa 1984-85 (not sure if the flashback was first half of Junior year or second half so he may have been 18 instead of 17 in this assumption.)

Now, the first commercially available camcorder, the Betamovie BMC-100P, was released in 1983, which means either Hal’s family was a very early adopter or they were using something else. Super 8 cameras existed as far back as 1965 so maybe this was filmed on film or reel-to-reel or using an actual ass TV grade camera onto videotape or, again, film but I highly doubt that option so early adopter of Betamovie or maybe JVC’s VHS-C/Kodak’s 8 mm video format.

Wait, scratch all that. According to Hal’s bio on the Wiki, he was born in 1970…but…then…time…wh….

2. Disorder

Where was I? Oh, right, snuff film. Just when you think Riverdale couldn’t get any weirder, it goes ahead and proves you wrong by dragging Cheryl and Reggie (oh bless his heart) into faking a snuff film. Cheryl doesn’t wanna do it without a wig so that people won’t recognize her and Reggie agrees to go full leather daddy in the former home of the Corpse Formerly Known as Jason. It’s…it’s a hell of a scene. And they film it on a modern camcorder but then…port it to VHS? OK sure dude. They could’ve “borrowed’ an actual VHS recorder and given them something authentic like Brutalmoose here. Commit to your craft Jughead!

3. Queens for a Day

Toni & Cheryl get a, err, nice B-plot wherein Cheryl is Queen B of the Prom Queen voting & sign-up committee, betrays Toni’s trust in the exact manner we expect, goes to prom thinking everything is fine, and ends the happiest night amicably but sadly before breaking down in tears at home. While I think Cheryl got exactly what she deserved based on her actions, damn if it doesn’t hurt. I think the writers really weren’t sure what to do with Toni once she and Cheryl were together and this was their way of resetting that status quo. I disagree with that decision but I really liked the way they handled the ending…mostly.

Continued below

Did we really need the fake out “my nana won’t accept us,” implying it’s because of bigotry and not completely justified hatred of the Blossoms? Y’all, the Blossoms suck. They’re the worst! There’s no dressing up that the family is fucked up and, up until a season or two ago, so was Cheryl. Hell, she’s still got major flaws despite trying to, and mostly succeeding at, moving past her family’s legacy of violence, pain, and destruction. That’s a rich vein one can mine and it isn’t played out to its fullest here.

Like, I’m still not clear on whether or not Cheryl really knows that going to Toni’s Nana without her permission was wrong, especially if it ended with Toni being outed, as was implied. That’s not her call to make and so the pathos of the moment is lost and instead I’m watching Toni & feeling my heart break for her. It would have been ultimately more effective to lay the cards on the table first and thus letting the tragedy of the situation sink in deeper. Because it is a tragic break up. Not unexpected, and will hopefully provide a path for them to grow, if they don’t regress first (looking at you Cheryl,) but still tragic.

And on Prom night no less, the night they were named co-Queens. Damn.

4. 20¢ Goodbye

The fallout from the Barchie plotline is, perhaps, as tragic as the above but definitely a lot more conventional. As soon as Veronica found the sheet music, I knew we were coming screeching to the end of…Archonica?…Verarchie?…V&A’s relationship. All the red flags were there from Archive, especially after Arch’s conflicted reaction to Betty saying Arch still loved Veronica like Betty loves Jughead. It was only intensified when Veronica sang a lovely rendition of the song he wrote for Betty. Sure, I rolled my eyes a little at what I knew was coming but they set it up well and laid the groundwork for this without it being stupid stupid stupid.

Barchie ending the way it did helped a lot. It was the kind of mature communication I don’t expect to see from a CW show, and that continues with the conversation Veronica & Archie have after their painful dance with the other two couples. Much as I am frustrated at the way Veronica’s character is written re: her family, she’s a long way from the petty, vindictive, snobby person of the comics and I appreciate that. Her friendship with Betty is real and she doesn’t want to hurt Betty just because she and Archie hurt her.

They made a mistake born of passions & lingering feelings, Betty called it off because it was wrong, and Veronica recognizes this complexity. She can still be mad, and lord knows she has every reason to be angry at Archie, but she’s not going to lash out out of spite. It’s mature and shows growth, something that’s important if a show is to continue past the high school it was originally set in. It also shows that Archie has matured. He is more self-aware and even though this was a hard, painful decision, he had the resolve to make it. Did he pick the worst possible time? Yes. Yes he did.

But what would Riverdale be without its exceptionally poorly timed, but maximally dramatic, confessions?

5. Here in Your Bedroom

Last season ended with a snuff film of the story Jughead wrote about them killing Mr. Honey. Only Betty & Jug should know about the story. He says the only way anyone could have found out about it unless he’s being watched or hacked. Now, my memory is a little fuzzy on the details of the episode, but that tracks. Knowing this, I once again posit that Charlie is The Auteur. Literally there’s no reason to keep him in the plot at this point if he isn’t important to that storyline in a way other than to be the FBI connection. He’s super suss and I refuse to be told otherwise.

There’s more that’s suss in regards to the VHS plotline, like Jellybean being at the rave “by accident,” whatever the fuck was up with the dancing & fizzle rocks at Prom, or David’s body not being found – until there’s a body in Riverdale, I refuse to believe he’s dead – but I think I’ll save any speculation for the next episode. I have a suspicion the next episode and the one after are the “finale” of season 4 and that we’ll start up what was to be s5 proper with chapter 80.

Continued below

That about does it for now! What did y’all think of the return? Was it as weird as you expected? Did you laugh as much as I did? Oh, did I forget to talk about Archie settling his Navy enrolment with a fucking boxing match? My bad. This show y’all… Lemme know in the comments your favorite part and I’ll see you next week for Archie promptly losing his shit. Until then, stay light on your feet y’all.

Best Line of the Night:

Hiram: I’ve been trying this new workout regimen.

*cut to*

[Sounds of Brutal Face Smashing]

//TAGS | Riverdale

Elias Rosner

Elias is a lover of stories who, when he isn't writing reviews for Mulitversity, is hiding in the stacks of his library. Co-host of Make Mine Multiversity, a Marvel podcast, after winning the no-prize from the former hosts, co-editor of The Webcomics Weekly, and writer of the Worthy column, he can be found on Twitter (for mostly comics stuff) here and has finally updated his profile photo again.

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