Welcome back all you Riverdale fans! As a former Quizbowl player, seeing this competition made my day. Sure, it’s nothing like that game, built more for television and modeled after those shows, but seeing a competition between schools come down not to a physical challenge but a mental one was great. . .if only there wasn’t the constant threat of cheating hanging over the competition.
As always, spoilers ahead.
1. Who Wants to Be A Yaley?
Maaaan, I was totally behind the theory that Brett somehow used his family’s influence to prevent Betty from going to Yale. But nope, looks like it’s good old optics over her dad being a serial killer. Whoops! Dammit Hal, you really earned the trophy for Riverdale’s worst dad, and the fact that it’s a competitive category is bonkers.
Also, again, wasn’t she just shut out of the early admission? Did I get that detail wrong? Whatever. Betty really wanted to go to Yale and that’s become her fixation, much to the detriment of her relationship with Jughead. It’s a natural reaction to stress, to single out a slight and turn it into something far more detrimental than it is and once you’re stuck in that spiral, it can be hard to see the hypocrisy and illogical nature of the rage. Sure, it’s annoying that Jug and Betty fight over something so stupid but they set it up well enough, and hell, Betty isn’t exactly the most patient person when it comes to secrets — see literally everyone in her family being the worst.
But. BUT. They don’t leave it at that. They give Jug the space to apologize for his own monumental oversight and stupidity and resolve things quickly but not in a forced manner. Seriously dude, what did you expect not telling Betty about getting into Yale after writing it off and then pitching the novel as, well, literally her life without her permission? It’s a good way to leave things and, for a second, I thought maybe this was the moment they draft the plan to take down Brett but, uh, seems to not be.
2. Jeopardy
Um, what the fuck, Alice? Seriously. I. . .I have no patience for this character, not after the litany of shit she’s pulled and gotten away with. Why, the fuck, did you think STEALING THE ANSWERS AND GIVING THEM TO BETTYIN AN ENVELOPE MARKED ATTN: BETTY COOPER WAS IN ANY WAY A GOOD IDEA? How was any of that considered a smart decision? Betty has regaled you with stories of how conniving and manipulative Brett was. Of course, he’d find these answers. Why would you taint the work Betty was doing by giving her the answers? Fuck. If Penelope Blossom weren’t still kicking, I think you’d get the award for worst mother.
It’s. . . I . . .I just. . .I can’t believe the writers decided to do this and I really can’t wrap my head around Mrs. Cooper’s logic here. Is she that far gone? Like, it kinda fits her characterization but she’s a hell of a lot smarter than this. It’s a needless addition that seems added just to provide an excuse for Jug to fight Brett and to keep Betty from winning, well, anything. Wouldn’t it have been a far more interesting rest of the season with this sitting over their heads? Brett fuming and thinking up some other way of getting back at them? I think so at least, but we work with what we’ve got.
There was always going to be some form of cheating, since it’s a grand tradition of American tv quiz shows going back to the 1950s, but it still bothered me. I’ll be honest, though, it worked to get me absolutely wired. The whole time, I was wondering how this would bite her back in the ass and whether or not she actually looked; I never believed she did and the line of, it’s like she knows all the answers, was too on the nose for her to have actually looked but you never know. I was actually expecting the final buzzer to have been sabotaged. The best part of that, though, was having Brett lose on a car question. Get fucked Brett.
Continued below3. Twenty-One
OK. The Veronica/Hiram dance has officially, fully, run its course. I am so bored by the constant back and forth I talked about last time and the show has the gall to lampshade the fact that they’ve relied on the same episode structure for two seasons now? Fuck that.
What I am glad to see is that Veronica and Cheryl have also come to this realization and between going to a chemist to test that the Maple Rum is different enough to be sold and opening their business through the old Penelope Blossom sex club whose name escapes me, it seems they’ve broken the cycle. . .I hope. What’s stopping Hiram from getting wind of that location and raiding it? Who knows! He certainly knows about the building so. . . I guess we’ll see.
4. The Price is Right
Frank is gonna be a challenge for Arch to deal with. He’s not a grifter, he’s relatively dependable, he’s family but he’s also someone with a short temper, a history of skipping out when things get tough, and he’s got some questionable ethics when it comes to the ends justifying the means. Last time, it was mystery VA drugs to help Monroe play against Stonewall. This time, it’s taking $200 to bet on a probably rigged horse race, or something more insidious, I suspect, in order to get the bonuses for the construction crew. His heart’s in the right place but his methods are risky at best and dangerously reckless at worst.
Arch is gonna have to handle this in future weeks and I’m not sure he’ll be able to. Couple that with his staunch position on not working with the Mafioso in chief, and it’s clear he’s in for a rough time.
5. The $64,000 Question
OK, there’s two questions so let’s get the smaller one out of the way: What’s Charles’ long game? It’s probably to get Chic — ugh — out of prison but how and to what end? Is he trying to torture the Coopers, his family, I must remind myself, in the same way they “tortured” Chic? What’s with the cameras around town? Whatever the case is, it’s still on the backburner and he seems to be trying real hard to ingratiate himself to Betty and co. Is his info real? Who knows and, at this point, I don’t think it really matters.
Riverdale has a lot of irons in the fire this season and, on the whole, is doing a good job managing them all. Threads can pop in and out without feeling like we’ve stopped in our tracks and as the Spring Break of Doom approaches, some are going to take precedence over others. Speaking of. . .
The big question that remains is: Will Riverdale actually kill off Jughead? With each passing episode, I’m more and more convinced they might. If so, then the narration we’ve been hearing from Jug’s true crime book could be discovered on his laptop posthumously and that would be a big shock to the system. A main, core character biting the dust? That’s HUGE and risky. I’m still thinking it’s all a trick, and Jug is still alive, but if he is, then the scene with Betty is either very staged, Jug is on the run and can never come back, or he’s tricked Betty & everyone else into thinking he’s dead without telling them.
The fact that we’ve got the Backster Brothers mysteries as a thru-line is what’s making me lean towards big ol’ fake out, plus my well documented distrust of Riverdale cliffhangers. But I’m open to being wrong, especially if it’s a show killing a central character off.
That about does it for now! What did you all think of this week’s episode? Any guesses on Jug’s ultimate fate, who does him in, and if Brett will get his ass handed to him by season’s end?
Let me know in the comments and then join me again in a week for fights, fights, and more fights. Oh! And maybe some more of whatever the hell Kevin and Fangs have found themselves embroiled in. Until then, drink, drink ‘till you can’t drink no more. . .and then take one more shot for the road, Riverdale.
Continued belowBest Line of the Night:
Penelope Blossom: “Why have you come for me, Nightmare Child?”
Runner Up
Quiz Show Host: “What is the powerhouse of the cell?”
Betty (and every American watching): “Mitochondria.”
