Welcome back all you Riverdale fans! This show. This fucking show. Just when you think you have a handle on it, it turns, twists, and presents a new face. Pivoting back to all the lingering non-G&G related plot threads, “The Red Dahlia” answers nigh on every question we had and some we didn’t even know we had. Was it good? Did it succeed? Is Jughead the next Truman Capote/Patricia Highsmith?
Or is the title a give-away, just one step away from Noir’s favorite trope — the red herring?
As always, spoilers ahead.
1. Deep Water
Holy crap did they pack in a lot this week. With the speed of Katie Ledecky in the 800-meter freestyle, the writers hop from plot thread to plot thread in this densely packed ode to good old noir films. I love these kinds of homage episodes from Riverdale because they’re often the most focused of the bunch and often have the most varied shot direction. It gives them an excuse to try out things, to think outside of the traditional TV box and to breathe a little bit more life into the shows.
It also allowed Jughead’s narrations to flood the whole of the episode, instead of just as bookends, and helped offset the sour taste left in my mouth from the last mostly narrated episode. The constant protagonist switching, the layering of the investigations, and the ultimate resolution of everything and nothing felt thematically appropriate and helped to make the episode more enjoyable, and unintentionally hilarious, than I expected.
Let me quickly run through all the plots and then I’m going to move on. I’ll return to some of them later on.
Veronica Lodge cares for her dad & wants in on the crime-ness. Hermione is up to no good and is double, triple, and quadruple crossing everyone. SMITHERS IS BACK! Archie is filled with rage, rage, against everything for no reason, gets a job, gets in a fight with his boss, gets in a fight with his dad, gets drunk and ends the episode making peace with Hiram Lodge. JOSIE IS BACK! Hiram’s shooter is revealed. Sheriff Mineta is alive. . . for 20 or so minutes. Penelope Blossom is poisoning everyone. Clifford Blossom was poisoning everyone. Tall boy is still very dead. Chic is still very dead thank god. Betty learns who killed Clifford and Mr. Blossom but can’t tell anyone. Jughead learns who, what, when, where, and why Hiram was shot but can’t tell anyone. Veronica knows all about the drugs, steals them all, and destroys them all and Hermione wants to sell the drug production to someone else, probably Elio’s family because of their convenient return this week, but can’t because Veronica did the things earlier in this sentence.
Is that everything? I think I got almost everything. It was a lot, despite all working towards only one or two end points, and honestly, the episode was so jam packed but fragmented, I wasn’t sure how to capture it all.
2. The Glass Cell
Creepy Hal continues to be creepy and I’m tentatively here for it. Tentatively. I’m still not sold on them pushing the “dark destiny” thing between him and Betty, which is what Riverdale really wants us to buy into for some reason. I don’t get it but if it gives direction to Betty’s storyline and pays off all the imagery surrounding Hal’s original capture, then I’m OK with it. . . for now. He’s gotta pull back on the Hannibal the Cannibal stuff though, it’s too over-the-top, even for Riverdale.
We also see Betty move farther into the possibility of sympathizing with her father’s point of view, now that Penelope brought up a point that’s so obvious, I felt like I was being hit over the head with Sheriff Mineta’s severed hands. Did it really never occur to her that the people Penelope allegedly poisoned were total scumbags? That’s impossible. But why is the show treating Betty like she had blinders on?
Maybe she did and I saw that as an effect of poor writing because of how it was expressed instead of character but I’ve got the feeling they just needed any excuse to have her go back to her father with that thought in her head. Penelope Blossom is a cruel woman with a past that is deserving of sympathy who has taken actions that are motivated by the former far more than the latter.
Continued belowAlso, Betty, you have to stop confronting people with smug assertions. Every time, EVERY TIME, it blows up in your face and we have to listen to gloating followed by defeat close-up. It’s no longer dramatic and it gets on my nerves.
3. The Price of Salt
But speaking of the Blossoms, the increased prominence of the mother, and the attempts at engendering sympathy towards her, have left Cheryl in a bit of an odd position. All of last season, we were poised to see Penelope as an antagonist along with Clifford Blossom. We were meant to identify with the plight of Cheryl and were there to watch her grow, fight and ultimately defeat her mother.
Now, Cheryl has been relegated to the background, the growth she made now receded, and the only remnant of that growth being in her relationship with Toni, who has also been unfairly cast into the background, tied at the hip to whatever Cheryl is doing.
If it sounds like I’m bitter, it’s because I am. Penelope Blossom serves a purpose but is just one more character sitting there being obtuse and frustratingly conniving in ways that don’t further any personal plots, story arcs, or even her own machinations. This episode has been the closest we’ve gotten but that’s only because of all the answers we’re getting about fizzle rocks and the Blossoms’ part in it all. It’s a pain to sit through and I really hope the show tries following some more of the supporting cast in ways that helps to justify and support their actions instead of just dropping us into them.
4. This Sweet Sickness
Speaking of which, I have to say, I didn’t think that we would be getting an answer to the seizures thing nor did I think it was going to play such a major role in the reasoning behind the death and near death of the characters. I should have known they weren’t going for a supernatural answer but I am a little disappointed it wasn’t Evelyn Evernever’s doing. I still think she had something to do with it, or she’s just using the drugs to control everyone at the farm, but that retcon will have to wait.
Right now, we have to talk about the great Mr. Blossom retcon because I LOVE it. Yes it’s stupid and obviously there to give us past actions to justify Penelope’s current ones but the idea that the first open and shut death of the show was mired by hidden causes of death and was only found out because the water was tainted by fizzle rock run off is hilarious. It also helps tie all three seasons together — I’m including Penelope knowing about Chic.
It’s also a full explanation for why the quarantine happened, which is tied to Hermione Lodge. . .wait, what?
5. Strangers on a Train
FP shot Hiram because of what he did to Jug. Hermione put him up to it because Hiram had Tall Boy shoot at her and then she found out Hiram failed to stop letting Clifford poison the water and making the drugs. I’ve been waiting, WAITING for Hermione to show her hand and now that she’s be revealed as the mastermind behind much of this last episode’s drama, I have to say. . .where was this shit set up?!
I have been griping for weeks, MONTHS about how Hermione has been wasted since Hiram returned and now that we’re finally getting evidence that she is not only capable of moving against him but very successful at it, I’m baffled by why none of this was made evident earlier in any way, shape or form. I speculated it might be the case but it was all unsubstantiated because she had a total of 8 minutes of screentime across four episodes, most of which was spent assuring Veronica that Hiram love her and that she’s OK with everything.
It’s obviously not the case but dropping this as a big reveal feel cheap. None of the groundwork has been done to earn these reveals, despite ample opportunities. It’s not out of character, in fact, it’s the most in-character thing we’ve seen from her in a long time, but I wish more of this side of Hermione would be shown throughout the rest of the show. It would go a long way and give us another subplot to follow.
Continued belowThat about does it for now! While there was a distinct lack of Reggie, and some truly baffling actions taken by Archie, I’d call this episode a success. What did you all think? Did you enjoy it as much as I did? Did it feel more like a mid-season finale than the actual thing because of all the actual answers? Let me know in the comments and join me again next week for more cow skulls and Griffins and Gargoyles. Until then, stay mob infested Riverdale.
Best Line of the Night (and possibly the fucking season):
Jughead: “No one’s innocent in Crimetown.”
Followed closely by:
Jughead: “Don’t you want to know who did it?”
Veronica: “It doesn’t matter. It’s Riverdale.”
