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Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Things That Go Bump in the Night”

By | May 23rd, 2022
Posted in Television | % Comments

Welcome back all you Riverdale fans! After last week’s bizarre but still clearly Riverdale episode, I wasn’t sure if they’d have the stamina to keep it up. Sadly they couldn’t and “Things That Go Bump in the Night” is standard fare. That’s alright. They can’t all be platinum bangers.

And as always, spoilers ahead.

1. Why Don’t We Pick Up Pop’s and Push it Somewhere Else?

I shit you not. This is the A-plot of the episode. To deny Percival the victory of tearing it down, Tabitha wants to take it apart and rebuild it elsewhere. If you were expecting something more drenched in “Tales from the Darkside” or “Mr Cypher” vibes, you’ll be sorely disappointed. It’s really a waste of a title but I can’t be all that mad since we finally got an honest to goodness haunting and for once it WASN’T Old Man Percival.

Turns out Pop’s, as the deputized soul of Riverdale, houses a few spirits of those who died there and their job is to basically be Pariah and witness the final battle between good and evil. Now, I don’t know my “Book of Revelation” but this feels like it was pulled right from there. I gotta say, it sounds like a pretty shit gig they got there. Just because they died at this diner, they’re stuck there until a literal apocalyptic battle happens. No wonder they’re pretty cranky about all the construction.

At least they get free ghost milkshakes.

2. Wait Until I Switch Into MAXIMUM BLACKMAIL

Reggie. What’re we gonna do with you? Why’ve you gotta be so shitty to everyone? I was rooting for you! Now you go and blackmail Veronica for a cut of her mentalist show with Jughead after plotting a hostile takeover? Bruh. I know Percival has fucked with you pretty hard but you gotta know that’s just going to make everything worse. Apparently not because he goes through with it and in response, Veronica asks Jughead to mind wipe him.

I cannot believe I have to use this clip twice this season. Mind wipes are never the answer! They always come back to bite you in the ass. Just ask Zatanna. It is fitting that this happens in the episode where Jughead becomes Forsythe the Fantastic. I wonder what other carnival acts we’re going to see by season’s end.

Let’s just hope we don’t get The Geek next week.

3. I Don’t Need It. I Don’t Need It…I NEED IT

Oh how I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up with Heather. Her sole purpose this week is to be a sexy librarian who throws “fuck me eyes” at Cheryl while Cheryl reciprocates with more timidity than I think I’ve ever seen from her. It’s…fine but it’s the whole episode. That’s WAY too long for what is an inevitable pairing and for avoiding two important, long overdue conversations: their smoldering love and being witches, one a dabbler with ancestry and the other coming from the town defined by their witches.

Let us see them reconnecting! Let us see some tension. Let the damn scenes linger longer than 45 seconds to a minute! Ughhhhh. None of their conversations really have much substance and it’s frustrating to see Cheryl have ANOTHER relationship that flattens both characters. Whatever. There’re still more episodes to fix this.

Also, show of hands on who thinks Heather killed her mom? Everyone? Good to know.

4. Are You Feeling It Now, Agent Cooper?

Oof. Betty’s B-plot was a lot. Not super heavy but we learned a lot about her powers, about how far gone Alice is, and what Betty fears most. It’s nice to see momentum with her, though that momentum brings her into Juniper & Dagwood playing with a cat and Dagwood has an aura around him. Is he evil and a serial killer??? No, he’s just a kid and kids can be little shits sometimes.

It does turn out that Juniper has the MaOa gene – aka the serial killer gene, a plot point that still makes me roll my eyes so hard the torque could change a tire. It’s good stuff because these two kids have had a hell of a childhood and it wouldn’t be surprising if they were getting the wrong reinforcement from Worst Grandmother of the Year.

Continued below

This revelation was thanks to two Dr. Curdle Jr. scenes, of which I am very grateful, and helps Betty learn that her powers don’t work on people with the gene…or at least they don’t until she knows about it. Yeah, when Alice comes back to emotionally abuse and gaslight her after Betty got J&D away from her, she can see her aura, despite the revelation last episode about her having the gene too. Then she sees an aura on herself in the mirror as the end stinger.

I dunno what to do with all this, honestly. The aura stuff hasn’t had much import so far. I hope it means we get more Agent Drake though. Both appearances so far have been tons of fun and she might be angling to make moves on Betty, which would be a very fun twist on the core four dynamics. That or she’s a spy for someone. I’m going with the former.

5. Pickens Antiques Is Unfair. Percival Pickens Is In There. Standing At Concession. Plotting Our Oppression.

Welp, looks like we’ve lost Fangs to Percival too. His fall hurts. He just wants what is best for Toni and Baby Anthony but he’s been worn down so much by systems that he’s willing to sacrifice his integrity for fast cash. You can hear the desperation in his voice when he accepts Percival and Frank’s offer to work on the railroad. Non-Union, of course. Who needs those pesky dues and the benefits and protections they offer?

It’s especially painful seeing him transforming into a modern the version of the Fogarty we saw in “The Witching Hour(s)”. He’s more dismissive of Toni. He’s putting work first. And he may end up dumping her, if his reaction to Toni’s proposal is any indication. It’s rough.

And speaking of rough; dang, Frank, you really fucked up this time. Not only did he try to betray Archie, he took glee in punching him in the face with a fist full of palladium! I know it’s being done with the subtlety of, well, a punch to the face, but Riverdale perfectly captures the heartbreaking feeling of watching a loved one fall to a hateful ideology and become unrecognizable. For some, it’s bringing out what was always there under the surface (Alice.) For others, it’s the seduction of the here and now in tough times (Fangs.)

And then there’s Frank, who was feeling isolated and disconnected before being brought in by a loved one, and slowly radicalized, shedding all his old convictions and beliefs, until he was willing to beat up his own nephew for trying to save a beloved town landmark. Riverdale doubling down on this was a hard choice but ultimately a good one. It’s hard, really really hard, to try and help loved ones lost to irrational and hate filled worldviews. There’s no easy way to do it and even when you think you’ve gotten through, they can slip away just as easily.

I truly thought they’d gotten Frank back and maybe they did. But then a night went by, and he lost his anchor, if it was there. Now he’s gone for what seems like good. It doesn’t mean the attempt was worthless but that doesn’t make its failure hurt any less.

That about does it for now! What did you all think of the episode? Were you happy with the level of ghosts? Are you more invested in Heather & Cheryl than I am? Did you love that wildly out of place product placement for a credit card? Let me know in the comments and I’ll see you in a week for things falling apart, again, for our core cast. Until then, keep drinking your milkshakes Riverdale.

Best Line of the Night:

Betty: “That’s the Coopers. Apple pie served over an unmarked grave.”


//TAGS | Riverdale

Elias Rosner

Elias is a lover of stories who, when he isn't writing reviews for Mulitversity, is hiding in the stacks of his library. Co-host of Make Mine Multiversity, a Marvel podcast, after winning the no-prize from the former hosts, co-editor of The Webcomics Weekly, and writer of the Worthy column, he can be found on Twitter (for mostly comics stuff) here and has finally updated his profile photo again.

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