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    Five Thoughts on Star Wars: Resistance‘s “The Voxx Vortex 5000”

    By | December 3rd, 2019
    Posted in Television | % Comments

    This week, the Colossus is running low on money instead of supplies and we meet an old friend of Hype’s with questionable morals who employees some sketchy droids and a lot of Kowakian monkey-lizards. Read on, but beware of spoilers.

    1. Is Star Wars: Resistance actually the most accurate portrayal of what this war would be like in real life?

    This episode starts off with dudes being dudes, fighting/wrestling in a bar because they’re bored. Like supplies, it would appear the Colossus is running out of things to keep it busy. This initially had me rolling my eyes, thinking, “here we go, another way to kill 20 minutes with unnecessary, unrelated tasks” when it dawned on me… what if Star Wars: Resistance is actually an accurate portrayal of what it would be like to be the side story in a far reaching space war? What if Star Wars: Resistance is the most realistic Star Wars?

    Hear me out. If you think about it logically, what the Colossus is experiencing is exactly what I imagine it would be like to be running from the enemy while mounting a sort of side resistance. Space is vast, man! There’d be SO much down time! No wonder they keep running out of supplies and dilly dallying while trying to figure out where in literally the infinity of space General Organa and her crew have taken off to. We get spoiled with the movies, where hyperspace jumps that would probably take a few days are whittled down to minutes, because we have to knock out an entire storyline in two to three hours. Here, as we leisurely float through an entire TV season, there are less constraints. Need to make a side run to some planet to scavenge for supplies and stumble on a Sith temple? Cool. Want to waste some hours training on an ice planet, eat some food, and then go back to that same ice planet to search for more food? No problems here.

    What I’m trying to say is I’m seeing this series in a whole new light now.

    2. Of course a casino is run by a Hutt

    I honestly don’t know why I was surprised that Hype’s gambling man of a “friend” turned out to be a Hutt, but I was. Although perhaps I was more surprised by the fact that the Hutt’s name, what I thought was pronounced “Frankie,” is spelled V-r-a-n-k-i. I mean, is that necessary?

    Vranki, like the Colossus, has fallen on hard times. His once-bustling casino is now mostly empty, a victim to the First Order versus Resistance conflict like everything else. He drinks his Gorg water (which seems super gross, but at least he’s not so cruel as Jabba as to eat the poor thing), a king surrounded by the crumbling ruins of the empire he once built. His Kowakian monkey-lizards prance aimlessly around him and he wonders, how can I turn this thing around?

    It doesn’t take a genius to realize he can take advantage of Hype’s overconfident bid to win some money off of him by racing, especially when he has several tricks up his sleeve. He counters Hype’s credit-based bet with a bet of his own: if he wins, Hype has to stay and race for him. They readily agree, because in no world can they ever imagine losing to this fool, I guess because he’s the most trustworthy of the Hutts, which isn’t saying much. Of course he’s going to cheat to get his way! I mean, his introduction practically mirrors Lando’s greeting of Han and Leia on the platform at Cloud City. He’s even wearing a cape! Have these guys never even SEEN Empire Strikes Back?? Brush up on your Star Wars references, Colossus crew. God.

    I guess you can’t really fault them for not seeing Vranki’s betrayal coming… at least the first time. The subsequent four or so losses that come after are entirely their own fault. As a wise man once said, “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.”

    3. Spaceships: more than meets the eye

    The biggest advantage Vranki has is that his spaceships aren’t ships at all, they’re actually droids. Or, as the fine folks at Hasbro like to call them, Transformers. I mean, that’s a Decepticon if I’ve ever seen one, am I right?

    Continued below

    I found their design and physical movements interesting in that they reminded me a lot of the droids that were developed for the prequel movie series. All sleek and spindly legs. It actually took me out of things for a moment, because I was distracted by the idea that the Aces were getting bested by what looked like a decades old droid. I’ve read that one of George Lucas’ critiques of the new sequel trilogy is that it doesn’t add anything new to the Star Wars universe; whether or not it’s true, I find that I generally agree with him there. So while I’ll give Resistance an A for effort in trying to introduce some forward-thinking droid technology, it doesn’t really land the way it was intended to. I half expected Anakin Skywalker to appear out of nowhere and take this thing out.

    4. Kaz the wunderkind

    Speaking of child prodigies, Kaz once again saves the day (with the help of his friends). He’s the only one of the Aces who manages to out-pilot Vranki’s droids and weapons-filled race course. It’s a good thing too; in her own show of overconfidence, Torra bets the entire Colossus in their last ditch effort to salvage a hideous losing streak. I mean, I know Hype and the Aces are all great pilots, but are they really worth losing an entire ship over? What is even the point of all this nonsense?

    Though, arguably, it’s Neeku who really saves the day, but alas, he’s just a supporting character. It’s Kaz’s world and we’re all living in it.

    5. Cheaters never prosper

    A good, relevant message for the week. Vranki ultimately doesn’t get away with his lying, cheating ways. While Kaz, Torra, and Neeku’s combined win had me sighing with relief, I still was left to wonder: what would have happened if they hadn’t won? Why did these guys take all of these bets in the first place once they knew Vranki was going to cheat his way to enslaving them? What if he had won the entire Colossus and turned it into a second floating casino, expanding his empire?

    Luckily, we’ll never have to see those possibilities play out. Thank god this is a kids show.


    //TAGS | star wars: resistance

    Kerry Erlanger

    Kerry Erlanger is a writer from New York whose accolades include being named Time Person of the Year 2006. She can be found on Twitter at @hellokerry.

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