Good morrow, peasants, and welcome back to our review of Netflix’s fantasy series, The Witcher. Though it was released in December, I’ve decided this is the unofficial Valentine’s Day episode. Everything (and everyone) the characters do is about love and desire. We explore Tissaia and Yennefer’s mother-daughter love, Geralt and Yennefer’s romantic love, and Geralt and Jaskier’s loving friendship. It’s all complicated, it’s all beautiful, and it’s all love. I’ll mention a thing or two from the rest of the show, but heavy plot spoilers are for episode five only. So make a carefully worded wish and flip the bird to The Brotherhood, here are five thoughts on The Witcher season one, episode five: “Bottled Appetites.”
1. What Yennefer Wants
It’s no mystery. Yennefer tells us twice in this episode. First she tells Tissaia, and then later she screams it at Geralt; she wants everything. But what does that mean? I’m so glad you asked. Remember, peasants, that part of Yennefer’s magical plastic surgery ritual all those episodes ago included a hysterectomy. Now that she’s living “off the grid,” no longer under the purview of “The Brotherhood,” she’s on a quest to biologically birth a baby.
If I may briefly pause to ponder a few things, peasants, what brotherhood? What’s their purview? Why do they care if Yennefer figures out how to have a baby? I guess there’s this group of male sorcerers who are in charge of… sorcery employment, among other magic-related things? Can they actually punish Yennefer for breaking their rules? What are the punishments? What are the rules? Yennefer doesn’t seem too concerned, so I guess we shouldn’t worry about it either. Shut up and embrace your destiny.
Anyway, the point is, Yennefer spent her childhood feeling powerless, and she’s spending her adulthood accruing all the power she can. It’s not exactly that she wants to be a mother, it’s that she wants the power to give birth. It’s the only power she ever gave up willingly, and now she wants it back. Her traumatic experience failing to save a baby and having to bury her on the beach goes unmentioned, but it would be weird if it didn’t have a profound effect on this decision. Geralt offered her his last wish; she could have wished for pregnancy, but she wanted instead to become a vessel for the djinn so she could access all its power forever. Tissaia says Yennefer has become “pure chaos,” but she’s actually on a straightforward goal-oriented path. How many times does she have to scream it, naked and covered in magical glyphs? She wants everything. Everything includes giving birth.
2. Yennefer and Tissaia
Years after their last meeting, Tissaia de Vries, Rectoress of Aretuza, pays Yennefer of Vengerberg a visit. She implores her, instead of shunning “The Brotherhood,” whoever they are, become a teacher at Aretuza, and work with them.
Tissaia was like a mother to Yennefer. Yes, she could be cold, and yes, she turned her less talented daughters into eels, but still. The eel thing isn’t even the issue. Yennefer is enjoying her independence, and taking pride in her quest for everything. And then Tissaia acts like she needs to swoop in and bring her back to school, it’s like, back off Mom! My start-up is doing fine! I don’t want to be a teacher just because that’s what you did. I don’t care if it’s “stable” and it doesn’t anger “The Brotherhood,” I just want to live my own life, okay?! Parents just don’t understand.
The tension in Yennefer and Tissaia’s relationship is all about independence. Yennefer wants to be the most powerful sorceress in all the land (and who doesn’t?) and she interprets Tissaia’s loving concern as doubt in her abilities. Tissaia, in turn, interprets Yennefer’s yearn for independence as personal rejection. You might say Yennefer’s yearning’s concerning to Tissaia. You might say it three times fast. At least, you might try.
3. Geralt and Jaskier
Geralt has a hard time saying so out loud, but Jaskier knows it, and it doesn’t take Yennefer long to figure it out; Geralt and Jaskier are friends. On the surface it may seem like a one-sided friendship, with Jaskier following Geralt around, singing his praise, and Geralt returning only an occasional grunt of acknowledgment, but when they’re held hostage by the deposed King of the Elves, or when Jaskier needs a bodyguard at a royal party, or when Geralt accidentally almost chokes Jaskier to death by wishing for “some damn peace,” Geralt will do everything he can to protect Jaskier.
Continued belowJust before Geralt makes this accidental wish, Jaskier has, for the first time, responded angrily to one of Geralt’s insults. Up to this point, Jaskier had routinely dismissed Geralt’s discourtesy, because he knew deep down that Geralt loved him. But now Geralt has insulted his singing ability, his greatest pride. Geralt may have finally damaged their friendship irreparably, manifested in Geralt’s flippant wish, which may damage Jaskier irreparably. In his 1992 book, “The Five Love Languages,” Gary Chapman describes five ways to express love: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Geralt’s love language is undoubtedly acts of service. When Jaskier is in danger, Geralt immediately leaps into action, and spends the episode doing everything he can to save Jaskier’s life. Jaskier might still desire a few words of affirmation here and there, but he knows in his heart that Geralt loves him, and Geralt has his own way of showing it.
4. Geralt and Yennefer
Full disclosure, peasants: Geralt and Yen are my OTP. I respect you and myself enough not to pretend otherwise, so if you’re looking for an “objective” take, look elsewhere.
For the first time, two of our three favorite heroes’ timelines come together, and Geralt and Yennefer finally meet. They have witty banter, they copulate passionately in a collapsed building, and most romantically of all, even when they’re using each other, they always tell each other the truth. Geralt needs Yennefer to save Jaskier’s life, and when Yennefer learns there’s a djinn involved, she agrees to help pro bono. Of course, Yennefer really wants to usurp the djinn’s power, but Geralt already loves Yennefer enough not to let her die in the process, and Yennefer already loves Geralt enough not to murder him for thwarting her. Aww!
Recall, peasants, I mentioned in an earlier episode review, that Geralt dedicates his life to protecting the innocent, and Yennefer prioritizes herself, and that those two opposite motivating directives make them both heroes to us. Geralt is selfless, but to strengthen all the loving relationships in his life, he needs to get in touch with himself, his own feelings, and his own desires. Yennefer is the most in touch with herself, but to strengthen all the loving relationships in her own life, she needs to step outside herself and think of others. The first step in each of these journeys is for them to open themselves up to each other. Could it be… their destiny? Aww!
5. I Guess This Time the Real Monster is… Love
In the tried and true tradition of “monster-of-the-week” the fantastical monsters Geralt is hired to slay are nothing compared to the societal ills they represent. This time, the real monster is love. Aww!
Love isn’t exactly a societal ill… or is it? Take my wife… please. But seriously folks, it would be more accurate (but less eloquent) to say that the real monster is all of the things that get in the way of love, and by Melitele’s mammaries, there sure are a lot of those things. Yennefer and Tissaia’s similarly prideful and stubborn attitudes, and Geralt and Yennefer’s opposite gut-motivators are both obstacles. Being too similar to your loved one is difficult. Being too different from your loved one is difficult. I’m sure you well-adjusted peasants have never experienced this in your own lives, but this fictional television show teaches us that love can be complicated sometimes.
The obstacle between Geralt and Jaskier stands out because it’s not about the two of them; it’s just about Geralt. Jaskier will continue to be Geralt’s loyal friend despite Geralt’s reluctance to even say out loud that they are friends, and Jaskier will continue to adeptly interpret Geralt’s love through his chosen language of acts of service, because Jaskier is emotionally intelligent enough to do so. It is only Geralt who will not allow himself to feel loved. This shows us that sometimes, the greatest obstacles to love, the real monster, if you will, might be ourselves. Woah.
I hope you love this love episode as much as I do. I love the iconic shot of Geralt in a giant bathtub from The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt. I love how Chireadan anchors all these true love stories with his hilarious magically-induced infatuation by and for Yennefer. I love Geralt and Yennefer’s epic-yet-down-to-earth romance, and I love the seriousness and the depth of all the non-romantic relationships. The Witcher is somehow both a refreshing break from toothless sanitized fairy tales and from cynical heartless prestige television. But don’t worry, there’s still gratuitous nudity. Until next time peasants, in a high collared floor-length dress or naked and covered in magical glyphs, good luck on the path.
