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Five Thoughts on Gotham’s “I Am Bane”

By | March 22nd, 2019
Posted in Television | % Comments

I watched the first season and half of the second season of Gotham. And by watched, I mean it passed in front of my eyeballs like a drugged-out fever dream, except without the fun. After one episode saw Bruce telegraphing his emotional turmoil with shaking hands, I knew all subtlety and craft had been slaughtered at the altar of the 400-foot-high-billboard that is T.V. writing, and dropped off immediately. This is my first foray since, but as nothing’s ever made sense in the past, I don’t anticipate any severe dislocation now. Let’s see what everyone’s favorite Machiavellian muscled maniac is up to, shall we?

1. More passion!

Spoiler alert: Bane is my least favorite Batman villain. What should be a delightful juxtaposition of genius and glute bridges is often ridiculous and sad, and then there’s the Nolan version. And, when I found out that this is the dude from A Walk to Remember? An extra helping of no thank you. I’m pleased to report that Gotham’s attempt to give his name poetic context lands like a ton of bricks, so we’re on track for another groan-worthy rendition of Muscle Man, Ph.D.

I would be on board for a Mandy Moore Bane casting, however. Just saying.

I guess Jim Gordon beat the snot out of Bane, and that’s why he’s got the mask on? Seems more underpass goth rave aficionado to me, but hey! Nothing makes sense on this show, from the dialogue to the wardrobe choices, so it’s fine. It’s all fine. It’s got lights, and an inexplicable diagonal face strap! There was a very nice surgery montage, though, and BD Wong is campy as heck, which is always fun to watch, and the editors had a total field day with all the foley in the lab scenes.

I actually yelled “Oh no!” when that voice started, complete with all the lovely mask hisses and clicks. They should give their sound department and post-production team a raise, and probably fire everyone else.

2. Pick a tone, any tone.

The Penguin is extra snorty! Gordon is very serious! There’s a submarine! Barbara’s sinister! The Riddler has emo hair! Donal Logue still has a job!

The styling on this show doesn’t really work, so characters look way too campy against Gotham’s dismal backdrop, especially when the majority of an episode takes place during the day. Bruce has a heavy hand with the hair gel and his voice has dropped, and he’s gotten into some serious eyebrow grooming as well. I can only assume Alfred has taken the boy in hand to present the aerodynamic and fashionable young gent before us. He still looks like he’s the twelve-year-old child of Annie Lennox, though, and when the General lays the gentle smackdown on his toxicity data, it’s not too surprising.

Barbara’s sporting a look Pat Benatar would dance-knife-fight someone for. She’s also apparently in labor while trying to get on a submarine with Riddler and Penguin. So, there’s that!

3. Get in the dumpster, Harvey.

Seriously, who plots this stuff out? Fifteen minutes in and we’ve already cut between three locations, I’ve been beat over the head with this momentous “Reunification Day,” there’s a baby on the way and the military apparently doesn’t know to run from tear gas. That’s enough to deal with for one episode, but wait, there’s more! Gordon’s gonna get a chip in his head and some superhero steroids! Bane hates stretchers! The General’s a bad dude!

I will say that Alfred has an excellent tie, which almost makes up for the insipid scene between him and Selena. You know you’re dealing with subpar content when someone as versatile as Sean Pertwee can’t make a “past-unto-the-present” moment land well. He’s having some feelings, y’all, and I’m pleased to report that I do not care in the slightest. Bane’s opening monologue is accented with some eyeball emoting from Shane West, but not much else of import happens in the dull conversation with Gordon that follows except for a few minutes of awkward set-up for the big reveal: it’s Nissa!

It only took us an entire scene of her repeating “Who am I doing this for?!” a million times to get there.

Continued below

Bonus: they’re coming to get you, Barbara!

4. Who’s laughing now, Batman?

Penguin and Riddler are apparently this show’s Laurel & Hardy at this point, which would be kind of delightful if it wasn’t just plain annoying. We take some valuable screen time to watch our hapless duo bicker with Barbara at the dock, and later the writing team tries to land a joke about Penguin pointing a gun at Barbara’s pregnant stomach. Bickering, round two ensues, and it’s not quite the tension break we need before Bane stomps into the hospital to come and get Barbara. It’d work better if any of these characters were charismatic, but every villain is cut from the same two-dimensional, boring cloth on this show. There’s no motley, sinister rogue’s gallery here to enjoy

There’s much that’s drop-dead serious about Gotham to make the hijinks pop. They buckle under the weight of the overbearing main plot, and what should be delightful on par with Batman ‘66 just ends up strained and frayed at the edges. I will say this: Barbara-in-labor-dual-wielding-pistols-cam is pretty good, but it doesn’t last long enough to cement that Guy Ritchie effect they’re going for.

5. Problems? Just punch ‘em.

Barbara giving birth in a parking lot? Sure. Barbara giving birth in a parking lot after a weird scene where Lee appears to forgive her for whatever she did in those three seasons I didn’t watch? Okay. Bane crashing the weird nativity scene only to promptly get hit by Alfred’s car and pop back up like Robert Patrick for a fist fight with Alfred?

Please, stop. I’m so tired.

There’s so much that happens in this episode, and so very little of it actually matters to me – including the explosive (har har) cliffhanger. That could be because I’m hopping back in after so long, but the sky-high emotions, crazed humor and overly serious plot twists are wearying when they’re jammed so close together. Gotham is lumbering toward its final conclusion and I, for one, will be happy when it’s over.


//TAGS | Gotham

Christa Harader

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