Good morrow, peasants, and welcome to our review of Netflix’s new fantasy series, The Witcher. I saw this show when it first came out, but have recently found myself with some extra time on my hands, and am taking the opportunity to dive deep back into this mystical realm. Like most of you probably, I love this show despite its flaws. I’m a huge fan of the wildly popular game, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt. I’m not planning on playing the earlier games, but I have been meaning to read the books one of these days. So that’s where I’m coming from when I bring you my take on The Witcher season one, episode one, “The End’s Beginning.” I’ll reference the third game and the rest of the show a little, but heavy plot spoilers are only for episode 1. So take a swig of Swallow and try not to pick a fight with the locals, here are five thoughts from The Continent.
1. Geralt of Rivia: Sassy Batman
Later on in this series we’ll hear multiple characters insist that witchers don’t feel emotions, but it’s clear from the get-go that this is a false stereotype. Geralt has all of the feels, and watching him gives us all of the feels too. The pain in his face when the little girl tells him to leave Blaviken… I’ve never wanted to reach out and hug a fictional character so badly.
Henry Cavill elegantly captures everything I love about Geralt with quiet, subtle precision. He’s the strong silent type, but not in a boring way. He’s tough and gentle. He’s stoic and deeply sensitive. He’s earnestly moral and non-judgemental. He’s serious and silly. His potions are toxic, and his masculinity is non. He contains multitudes. He’s not the hero nerds deserve; he’s the hero nerds need. He is sassy batman.
And he talks to his horse! Awww! Swoon!
2. Geralt of Rivia: Fashion Icon
If you’ve played The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt you’ve seen our beloved hero Geralt in some truly hideous outfits. Yet despite swapping a brown and turquoise tunic with orange puffballs paired with purple gloves and puffy green trousers (yep, that’s a real outfit from the game) for sleek, black, studded armor, Geralt’s outfits are a constant subject of ridicule in the show. My two cents: either give him the deliciously terrible outfits from the game, or stop pretending he doesn’t look like he fits in.
That said, this show will fill the void of fantastical period costumes in your heart left by Game of Thrones. Credit where credit is due.
3. It’s Good to be The Queen… Until It’s Not
A few scattered sub-thoughts on the royal family of Cintra:
a.) Queen Calanthe: the warrior grandma that fucks. We knew ye but briefly, yet your memory will live long in our thirsty hearts. Did Jodhi May ham it up to eleven when Eist was mortally wounded by an arrow? Yes. Did she earn it? Oh yeah fuck yeah.
b.) Eist, her boyfriend: Any boyfriend of Queen Calanthe is a friend of mine.
c.) (Cue plucky movie trailer music) Meet Princess Cirilla of Cintra, a.k.a. Ciri. She’d rather play jacks in the street with the proletariat than stand through hours of boring royal ceremony. But she’s about to learn that being a princess was way easier than not being one. Now she’ll have to fend for herself with only her magic screams to protect her. She’s lost her throne, her family, and her royal lifestyle, but she might just find… her destiny.
Why spend this first episode with the royal family only to kill off two thirds of them? Why introduce us to the warrior grandma that fucks and her cute boyfriend only to cruelly take them away? Because, peasants, this part of the story is about Ciri. We get this glimpse into her formative years, but her story is about how she grows without the guidance of Grandma and Grandpa Badass. We’re also getting a sense of the precariousness of power in this world. As they say, it’s good to be the Queen… until it’s not.
4. A Tale of Two Misfits: Geralt and Renfri
Just before Geralt (defensively) stabs ex-Princess Renfri in the throat, she reminds him that the two of them are not so different. Geralt, a mutant, is generally shunned and often outright attacked as a freak. Renfri was tortured, raped, and nearly murdered because she happened to be born during an eclipse. Though she clearly has some magical ability, nothing suggests she’s prone to bring doom upon the land as Stregebor the Wizard foolishly fears. The difference between Geralt and Renfri is that Geralt dedicates his life to protecting the innocent, and Renfri dedicates her life to vengeance, and thereby becomes the monster she’s accused of being. Renfri represents the the path Geralt chooses not to take, even though all it earns him is disdain. Lacking validation from society, Geralt soldiers on with a stalwart sense of self that Renfri never gave herself the chance to feel.
Continued below5. I guess this time the real monster is…. bigotry
In the tried and true tradition of “monster-of-the-week” the fantastical monsters Geralt is hired to slay are nothing compared to the societal ills they represent. This time, the real monster is bigotry.
I almost said superstition, and bigotry is a kind of superstition. It is a baseless fear wrapped in a folksy bow that drives personal and collective action. Specifically, unintelligent and destructive action. It causes puny villagers to pick fights they cannot possibly win with super-strong mutants. It causes paranoid wizards to torture and murder young women born during eclipses. And it causes Brexit. Ugh, society, amirite?
One small interesting detail on misogyny I appreciated comes from Lars Mikkelsen’s performance as Stregebor. When he sees Renfri bleeding on the ground, a close-up on his face reveals he’s attempting to hide how turned on he is. Was he really afraid Renfri was going to bring about the apocalypse as he professed? Or does he just enjoy watching young women bleed? Does Brett Kavanaugh really believe abortion is murder? Or does he just enjoy controlling uteri? For both, knowing what we know about them, it’s generous to assume a little of Column A and a little more of Column B.
What more does The Witcher have to say about bigotry that hasn’t already been said? Not much. Bigotry is a bold choice of theme for an episode with an entirely Caucasian cast in a show with just a few nonwhite characters. In this world, race is delineated by body shape instead of skin color. Humans and Elves and Dwarves are different races; White Humans and Black Humans are the same race. Maybe this is a statement on the arbitrariness of race as a social construct, or maybe the show doesn’t want us to think about it too hard. The moral of the story is, bigotry is bad, and we get to feel good about being on Geralt’s side. You know, Geralt, The White Wolf. (Maybe we shouldn’t call him that anymore.)
That’s all for Episode 1. Stay safe out there peasants, don’t do a bigotry, and I’ll see you on the other side of The Continent for Episode 2.
