Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. The Weekend Week In Review aims to give you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance, but I figure that you could figure that out.
Recently, Brian Azzarello’s “Wonder Woman” has been criticized by some for sexist undertones; the big moment a few issues back was the revelation that the Amazons of Paradise Island would board ships, have sex with and kill the men, and give away as slaves any boys that were born of such a union to Hephaestus, but last issue also received some flak after Eros’s gun, fired by Hades, penetrated Diana’s otherwise bullet-deflecting bracers (it’s a metaphor, people). After all this attention, you would think Brian was on his best behavior with ice #9, right?
Oh Azz, you scamp. Let’s start at the beginning, though: Strife found her brother, War, and invited him to the impending wedding between Diana and Hades. War turned down the offer, explaining that he only would attend one wedding per family member, but I think the real reason was that he could no longer endure Strife’s horrible jokes.
Well, at least neither of them are as bad as Batman’s “blood bath” – and, no I am still not over that. As Hephaestus, Eros, and that English earth elemental whose name I am to lazy to look up prepared to enter the Underworld as wedding guests and, hopefully, saviors, Strife helped the doubtful Hades come up with a plan for how to assure himself of his future wife’s loyalty and love: hang her from a noose made of her own Lasso of Truth and ask her if she truly loves him. I mean, sure, that gets points for style and pizazz, but couldn’t he just… bind her? Whether or not she’s telling the truth, that still seems dangerous.
Unsure of where Matt Murdock was, Foggy Nelson took the opportunity at the beginning of “Daredevil” #13 to search through his partner’s desk drawers, like any good friend would. What he found shocked him enough to make this face:
That must have been some really terrifying porn. Meanwhile, Matt tried to soothe Kirsten the D.A., who was still upset after, you know, seeing Matt’s life be threatened by a rogue agent of the supposedly defunct Black Spectre. Yeah, where are the “Hey Daredevil!” quips now? Matt was, conveniently, able to return Kirsten to her place and change into his Daredevil costume before the remnants of Black Spectre attacked en masse, and it wasn’t long before the other crime organizations with information on the Omega Drive showed up, too.
Oh come on, Matt, we know you do. Matt was having a rough enough time fighting off the organizations before even more mysterious members of Black Spectre showed up, donned in swanky new power armor, grabbed the Omega Drive, and disappeared. All hope was lost… or was it?
Ballsy move on Matt’s part, but it seemed to work. Everything seemed hunky dory until Matt was mysteriously teleported out of Avengers Mansion into a certain Latverian castle’s prison. Don’t worry, I’m sure Dr. Doom just wants to have a pleasant chat over dinner.
The ‘Night of the Owls’ crossover was in full swing in “Nightwing” #9, which mainly consisted of two matters: Dick fighting William Cobb, the first Talon to come after Bruce and Dick’s semi-zombified great-grandfather, and the backstory of how Cobb became associated with the Court. As for the latter, we learned that Cobb was a man coming from a lower-class background, a man who pulled himself up to a middle-class position where he hoped to be respected. However, not being made of old money, he was denied by the father of his rich, would-be wife, and had to endure his own son being born to and raised by another man. Yeah, I can see why that would make you want to become a deathless assassin who serves the people who really pull the strings of Gotham City. Soon enough, he was approached by a member of the Court, and went through a similar crazy-fest to the one that Bruce experienced only a few issues ago in “Batman,” and emerged the master killer we kind of know now. As we learned of his story, Cobb beat the snot out of his great-grandson, taunting him all the while with the typical “Your surrogate father doesn’t really love you, join me and we’ll conquer” speech that we have all grown tired of. At first, it seemed like Dick had given up and ran away, despite Cobb being able to follow him unerringly, but Dick actually and purposefully lead the premier Talon into Gotham’s subway. Cutting the liquid nitrogen insulation cables, Dick was able to shut down Cobb’s reanimated nervous system in a permutation of the classic brains versus brawn scenario. Suck it, old man.
Continued belowThis week’s Avengers fighting X-Men round-up is a big one! We’ve got a whopping five books involved with this event, either directly or not, and a lot happens without a lot actually happening. It’s like televisions sweeps, except it lasts a lot longer and features less celebrity.
When we last left the main “Avengers vs X-Men” title, Wolverine had just been kicked out of a quinjet by Captain America for wanting to murder Hope. Luckily for Wolverine, he’s able to get his murdering out on a polar bear who, just like everyone’s favorite character from LOST, does not belong in this environment. Tom Brevoort commented on his Formspring that this was explained in Jonathan Hickman’s AR video, but readers of the series know that no such thing exists. However, because this is a comic book and logic doesn’t always have to be present, we move on and simply accept this “cool image” and watch Wolverine hunt beer.
Oh, and Hope has flown out in a blackbird to pick him up, even though he’s trying to kill her. She tells Wolverine to hold off with the murdering because she believes she deserves the chance to take control of the Phoenix, and by bribing him with alcohol the two embark for an AIM base in order to steal a rocket to the moon.
MEANWHILE, IN SPACE! The Secret Avengers do battle with the cosmic firebird, the Phoenix! We last saw this sequence in “Secret Avengers” #26, in which the Phoenix kicked their collective asses and then flew away to help reincarnate the original Captain Marvel. This sequence plays out a bit differently, however, as Thor hits the Phoenix with his hammer and watches it collect energy of the Phoenix before smashing into a nearby planet and igniting it. Way to go, Thor. You do know the whole point of this exercise was to not destroy more planets, right? The rest of this scene, involving the Phoenix flying away, is not shown, assumedly to avoid as many continuity errors as possible; however, those of you who have read “Secret Avengers” should know that these scenes do not, in fact, line-up beyond the element of these characters fighting the Phoenix.
MEANWHILE, ON EARTH! We now see what teams of X-Men were sent to meet with matching teams of Avengers, whose destinations we saw in issue #3. We now get our second set of big brawls.
- Wakanda, which originally just had Black Panther and Iron Fist, now has Quicksilver and Black Widow (originally left out) on the Avengers are fighting with Danger, Storm, Dr. Nemesis, Magma and Rachel Summers, who has apparently officially betrayed Wolverine (as seen in “Wolverine and the X-Men #10”)
- Tabula Rasa features Luke Cage and the Thing from the Avengers (and was supposed to feature Mockingbird and Daredevil) fighting against Namor, Sunspot and Hepzibah (we’ll come back to this in the “Uncanny X-Men” tie-in of the week).
- Latveria, which originally featured just Spider-Man and Spider-Woman and now features the replaced Mockingbird and Daredevil represent the Avengers who battle against Colossus, Domino and Dazzler from the X-Men.
- Wungadore Mountain finds Red Hulk, Hawkeye and Doctor Strange of the Avengers battling against Magneto, Psylocke, Iceman and Angel (the last two of which joined the fight in “Wolverine and the X-Men” #10 as well).
- The Savage Land finds Captain America and Giant-Man of the Avengers (with a distinct lack of Agent 13, although I guess this makes a bit of sense she’s just a human) battling against Madison Jeffries, Warpath, Gambit, X-Man (whose appearance is not noted in the opening roster) and Magik of the X-Men
Man! Sometimes its like they don’t think we’re paying attention to these little details. The fighting breaks up when Captain America gets a call letting him know where Hope is headed, which Emma Frost intercepts and both teams recall their troops.
After tearing through the AIM facility, Hope and Wolverine land on the moon (in the blue area, where the Immortals live and you can breathe air like normal), she finds that Wolverine has betrayed her and called Captain America to pick her up. However Cyclops, having teams with telepaths, also knows her destination and intervenes. The Avengers and X-Men prepare for an epic battle on the moon, but its all broken up when Thor crash lands into the moon and points out that the Phoenix is behind him (again setting up a continuity error between “Secret Avengers” and this title as Thor was brought into protective care by his team, but I suppose there is time for this to work itself out). Now that’s what I call a sticky situation!
Continued belowAlright. So that’s the main part. Now let’s break down into all the little bits and pieces that are elaborated upon further in tie-ins!
“AvX Vs” #2 features two match-ups: Captain America vs Gambit and Colossus vs Spider-Man.
In the Captain America vs Gambit match, we’re of course given a much larger iteration of the fight as the two wail on each other pretty mercilessly. There is only one major difference between this battle and the fight featured in “AvX”: Gambit blows up Captain America’s suit. That’s really about it. In “AvX”, when Cap defeats Gambit and gets the call about where Hope is his costume is whole, but in this story Steve McNiven blows up his shirt to show off some sexy man abs followed by Cap making a joke about needing a new suit. Oh, and in “AvX” Cap doesn’t seem to be even focusing on the fight since Gambit is so beneath him, but whatever, we’ll ignore that bit (since we all know it’s true).
In the Colossus vs Spider-Man fight, there are a few continuity errors we can point out for you. To start with, the Avengers and X-Men are shown fighting in what is ostensibly a Latverian field, not a city. Second, the battle takes place while surrounded by attacking Doombots, but in this story the Doombots are all defeated. Finally, in the end Daredevil does run interference for Spidey like he does in “AvX”, except instead of kicking Colossus in the face Daredevil simply tells Spider-Man, “Hey, we’re leaving.” It’s an amusing little end, though, which declares Colossus the winner of the fight, which is too bad because I like Spider-Man more.
Moving on to the architect-penned “Avengers” #26, we’re given what I can assume is the “official” version of the Secret Avengers fight against the Phoenix as more things begin to clash with the “Secret Avengers” depiction of the fight.
The Secret Avengers still lose and are forced to land on a Kree planet to recuperate, but after that the book changes paths. Whereas in “Secret Avengers” they simply sit and wait until Captain Marvel shows up (which, for the record, is referenced in an annotation), this book finds Noh-Var explaining through science (or the comic book version of it, anyway) how Thor’s hammer could be used to capture and trap the Phoenix. Using the magic/science combination, Thor does battle with the Phoenix, diverting it back for a bit as proof that the Phoenix can be hurt. However, just when the team decides its time to take this technology back to Earth, Noh-Var pulls a gun on everyone and betrays the team. Shucks. Now what are they gonna do to get this book to line-up with the rest of the event?!
Oh, and there’s also a sequence where Noh-Var goes to see Annie, who is now apparently a punk rawk chick, and he gives her a stone (that looks curiously like it could be an Infinity Gem) and flies away. On the plus side, he leaves lots of little stars on his flight away, which I assume is his version of a romantic gesture.
In “Uncanny X-Men” #12, we open by Cyclops acknowledging the events that happened in “Avengers Academy” (what with the children being brought to the school) dividing up the X-Men to go do battle with the Avengers. We don’t see most of it since we really just follow the Tabula Rasa team, but we do see enough for Boom Boom of Nextwave to randomly make an appearance before never being seen or heard from again. Ah well. Those of you who get the reference probably enjoyed it.
Over in Tabula Rasa, we’re reacquainted to Savage, who watches the Avengers — comprised of Luke Cage, the Thing and now She-Hulk, who is supposed to be watching the Jean Grey School over in “X-Men Legacy” (continuity!) — do battle with the local zoology and the X-Men comprised of Namor, Sunspot and Hepzibah. The fights here don’t match up with the battles taking place in “AvX” #4, but whatever, there’s time for people to switch dance partners (minus the appearance of She-Hulk, which is what it is). Namor and the Thing do get in a big round of punches before Savage shows up and asks if they’re going to bang now, which I imagine is the equivalent of the “Now Kiss!” meme. Of course, Magik pulls them out just in time to make a trip to the moon.
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Phew! That got awkward fast, lolamirite!
There are also a lot of jokes made via Hepzibah about Namor being a big ol’ slut. If there is one thing you will learn about anyone via this issue, it is that Namor is a big ol’ slut.
This week’s “Avengers Academy” is basically the only tie-in that really has nothing to do with anything other than it continues its own story — or rather, it continues the story last seen in “Generation Hope,” in which a mind-wiped Sebastian Shaw gets to see a list of all the bad things he has ever done. As seen in last issue, Shaw gets free of his prison by hitting himself in the face with a book for a while then punching through the floor, and this issue sees him trying to find the children while tearing through the staff (comprised of Madison Jeffries, who I believe is supposed to be in the Savage Land on the side of the X-Men as mentioned earlier, Herclues and Tigra) via a series of convenient deus ex machinas on his apparent quest for vengeance against Emma Frost after being docile and admitting he has no interest in his former life.
However, the main story is about X-23 trying to decide which side she’s on, which means the book is basically comprised of this: historical allusion, metaphor, feelings feelings feelings, punch!, feelings metaphor feelings, punch punch!, metaphor feelings metaphor, punch punch punch!, metaphor punch feelings, foreboding splash-page ending. That’s not to meant to undermine the book because “Avengers Academy” is quite great, but it has certainly been laying it on a bit thick lately. To cut a long story short, she sides with the X-Men because the Avengers are dicks.
So there you have it. Five tie-ins, and continuity errors in all of them! Hoorah, continuity errors for all!! But hey, what’s a massive event without a few goof-ups?
Over in “Justice League” #9, we get onto a new arc, and it only took three issues to get there! There’s some creepy old guy has a Justice League obsession. He wrote about them, and conveniently, the cover of the book is the cover to “Justice League” #1! Jim Lee’s a busy guy. Doing books in the real world, covers in the comics universe, no wonder he needs fill-in artists.
So this guy, who is apparently an author, despite the fact his book looks like gibberish, is upset. Perhaps it’s that Jim Lee is running late again. Perhaps it’s because the Justice League can’t or won’t help him. Perhaps he’s just a dick.
I’ll put my money on him just being a dick.
Meanwhile, Steve Trevor is living the celebrity life: getting hassled by the paparazzi on the way home from 7Eleven because his ex could be dating Superman OR Batman after they broke up. I mean Wonder Woman with Batman or Superman, not Batman with Superman. Even though that’s certainly possible given what goes on in this issue.
Batman, in his cave, goes back to that letter his alternate dad entrusted to Barry at the end of Flashpoint, which tells you they really love continuity here! Little Bruce was so upset by the deaths of his parents (understandable) he went through time of severe depression and may have ended up a goth. He’s a dog collar away from smoking cloves behind the bleachers and commenting on the pointlessness of it all. But if you know Bruce, there’s always something up in Arkham and he needs to go there to stop a jailbreak, or look for a guy named The Key who broke in AND THEN beat up some mentally ill inmates. You gotta have hobbies. And he’s including his friends Superman and Cyborg! How sweet! The other half of the league, Flash, Green Lantern, and Wonder Woman were looking for some clues about this Key fella and they learned about that old guy from the beginning named GRAVES.
While the JL looked for Graves or The Key or Weapons Master or whoever, Steve Trevor, that troubled by a mystery guy who loves long capes, giant red gauntlets, and oh, torturing Air Force Colonels. Guy just can’t catch a break! And what’s up with that face on the guy’s gauntlet anyway?
Continued below
As for the back-up starring everyone’s favorite Beyonce exclamation, check out Brian’s new feature that premiered this week!
As Exiled continued in the pages of “New Mutants,” Lucas who was really Loki was trying to tell the really awesome story about how awesome he was and how stupid everyone else was, Cypher cut him off and ruined the moment. Lucas who was really Loki was not amused. But wouldn’t you be if a lesser being stole your saga? YOUR SAGA?
It was all very heavy, but Bobby decided what was best to do. If only someone would listen to him right? Jeez. Spoiler alert: this issue ends with Dani saying he was right.
Ugh. Sigurd wondered what was going on…
See?
They went around town looking for useful items to fix the spell, like artifacts from all the displaced Asgardians’ person. “Arthur’s” hammer and Volstagg’s spittle–wait, why does Volstagg not get an Americanized name? This makes no sense!
See? Bobby is always the voice of reason. After he voiced his concerns and the magical spell went haywire, unleashing Hell on Earth itself. This is no big deal, right? They can fix this. All they need is Loki to put another whammy on everyth–
–oh. Crap, again. Looks like they should have just punched things from the beginning.
This week’s “Fantastic Four” was the origin of the Band of Reeds and how they got started, the identity and past of the Reed who started the group, among other things. Turns out the guy who started the group killed his Hitler and lobotomized Viktor Von Doom to death!
In order to take over the Third Reich for himself, because he worked for Hitler after World War II, because in this universe, The Nazis were the ultimate victors of WWII and they took over the world! New York was now New Berlin and Boston was a concentration camp!
Anyway, Doktor Richards wanted to reach for the stars and take over other planets for the Reich. He took two siblings to be part of his security team, who just happened to beat the snot out of everyone in an all-out battle royal.
He also brought along a lucky Jew named Ben Grimm, who was released from the Boston Concentration Camp to pilot the shuttle in space and was still turned into a rock monster of death. Put in chains like he was king Kong, he was paraded around until Reed seized the opportunity to use him to kill Hitler and the Sturm siblings, before killing Ben himself. He took over the world with his Infinity Gauntlet which was never explained as to HOW he got it, just THAT he got it. But hey, nothing’s perfect. However, while fighting what were essentially the Avengers, he destroyed the world and half of the galaxy with the gauntlet. Then he simply floated around space for god knows how long, until he willed a cosmic tunnel out of nowhere and formed the Reed-Squad.
So really, our Reed was working with a fascist. I did Nazi that coming.
This Week’s Contributors were:
Walt – “Wonder Woman” #9, “Daredevil” #13, “Nightwing” #9
Matthew – “Avengers vs X-Men” #4, “AvX Vs” #2, “Avengers” #26, “Avngers Academy” #30, “Uncanny X-Men” #12
Gil – “Justice League” #9, “Fantastic Four” #605.1, “New Mutants” #42
Anything we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, we’ll give you credit.
