Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. The Weekend Week In Review aims to give you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance after the cut, but I figure that you could figure that out.
The Justice League continued their battle royal with Darkseid in the pages of “Justice League” #6, while the evilest of evils continued to give them, more or less, the silent treatment, never exceeding five words in a single sentence. For, as we all know, Darkseid has never been known for being verbose.
Back on Darkseid’s vessel, Batman sneaked about until he found Superman, undergoing torture from Desaad and Steppenwolf, overhearing mention of Darkseid’s daughter being on earth in the process. I know what you’re thinking, but I’m sure she’s a lovely lady. Wonder Woman and Aquaman put out Darkseid’s eyes with sword and trident, respectively, but it wasn’t enough to stop the hulking behemoth. But what soothes even the savage beast? Science! Okay, it didn’t necessarily soothe, but Vic used his ability to communicate with technology to reopen all of the invading host’s boom tubes, instantly sending the entire force, minus the big man himself, back to Apokalips. With the torturers gone, Batman was able to get Superman back on his feet, and Big Blue slammed Darkseid into his respective boom tube. It seemed like things were about to go awry, though, as Vic couldn’t seem to close the tubes. That’s where Batman comes in, and, no, not with his gadgets.
If I may take a moment to interrupt, it seems like DC is trying to separate Batman from his history as the god of prep-time, making him instead the god of pep-talk. Without Bruce’s words of encouragement, Clark never would have punched Darkseid super-hard, Vic never would have been able to shut the portals, and Hal would never have shouted “We got this!” In other words, it just wouldn’t be the “Justice League” I love.
Where were we?
Despite their prejudice toward the heroes in the beginning of this arc, the governmental leaders of the DCnU commended the newly formed team for their help. Wouldn’t you do the same if you were saved from a literal hell on earth? Despite Hal’s insistence of “We’re not a team,” “We’re not friends,” and “My daddy died in a plane crash and now I feel like I have something to prove,” Barry announced the group’s snazzy new name:
Get used to change, folks. Also in this issue was a story featuring Carol – Pandora, if you want to get technical – the hooded mystery lady who looks a lot like Wildstorm’s Zealot. That Jim Lee is full of unique and interesting designs! Confronted by the Phantom Stranger, Pandora defended her actions in meddling with the world, and for holding on to a certain mysterious box. Oh, I get it, her name’s Pandora, and the Pandora of ancient myth opened a box full of suffering! What a clever idea that has never been used before! But of course, this wasn’t a matter that could be settled with discussion, and so Pandora pulled out magic guns and fired on the Stranger! That’ll teach an un-killable being! After the Stranger got back up, some more threatening words were exchanged, and Pandora said something about getting the Justice League to help her. I, for one, can’t wait!
“Amazing Spider-Man” #680 opened up with Peter and the Horizon Labs overseeing John Jameson while he repaired the Apogee 1 Space Station, until the proud papa, Mayor J. Jonah Jameson himself, walked in. Yeah, you can already tell that things went wrong from there. Shortly after JJJ said hello to his son, the live video feed was cut, and so the mayor did the mature thing and blamed Horizon for pretty much being everything wrong with the world. That doesn’t sound like the J. Jonah Jameson I know and love at all. Figuring Jameson couldn’t get any more pissed off, Peter slipped out the window and headed to the Baxter Building, where he tried to get the returned Johnny Storm to help him get into space and figure out what went wrong. After dying and being brought back to life more than even the average X-Men in the Negative Zone, though, Johnny seemed like he had rethought his priorities in life a bit.
Seriously, serving in Annihilus’s death pits will do a number on you. Peter eventually succeeded in convincing Johnny by spoiling the entire year’s worth of television he missed, and the two bros set off for the stars. After a bit of investigation and what the “shippers” of the comics blogosphere will call unmistakable flirting, the two were ambushed by some of Doc Ock’s Octobots. Say that ten times fast. While science saved the Justice League, it screwed Spider-Man and the Human Torch over; Johnny couldn’t use his flames for fear of consuming all of the oxygen on the station, and the lack of gravity rendered Pete’s webs useless. Who could be the hero for our two heroes?
John F@$%in’ Jameson, that’s who. After blasting away the little robots with an unexplained space gun, Jameson outfitted his would-be rescuers with propellor belts and the trio made their way to the shuttle Jameson had been using as a hideout. Turns out he wasn’t hiding from the Octobots, though; the rest of the crew had apparently been latched onto by the Octobots and turned into – cooler than robots, cooler than zombies – robo-zombies! Robo-zombies that just then made their way into Jameson’s safe zone! Surely the guys have a plan for next issue, right?
Taking place before the most recent “Fantastic Four”, the mad Celestials made their way to space in the first pages of “FF” #15, leaving behind the Future Foundation. We all have different ways of reacting to great tragedy. For Dragon, it’s contemplating one’s own mortality.
For the Moloid kids, it’s tinkering.
For Franklin, though, it’s quitting the moping and getting things done. The almost omnipotent being in a child’s body and mind called his old pals, the Power Pack, for a ride, and the kids set off to meet with the Fantastic Four at the Hub. On the ride over, the kids distracted themselves as best as they could, whether by hitting on members of Power Pack and getting beat up, like Bentley, or by talking to themselves, like Franklin. Of course, by himself, I mean the invisible guy from “Fantastic Four” #600 – or am I speaking in riddles? The gang arrived at the Hub before the Four did, and were greeted by the highly-evolved Moloids from previous arcs, who instantly displayed their dazzling grasp on language.
A scuffle soon broke out (surprising, I know), and Nathaniel discovered that by breaking the brutes’ helmets, they would revert to normal Moloids. You know, as normal as Moloids can be. Somehow, Val was able to science up a sound-cannon that shattered all of their helmets in the middle of an ongoing melee, thus ending said melee. Those crazy kids! The rest of the issue proceeded similarly to “Fantastic Four” #603, with one striking revelation: The man Franklin had been talking to was himself from the future. Oh, that’s what he meant, “talking to himself.”
This Week’s Contributors were:
Walt – “Amazing Spider-Man” #680, “Justice League” #6, “FF” #15
Matthew – “Avengers” #23, “New Avengers” #22
Anything we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit.
