Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. The Weekend Week In Review aims to give you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance, but I figure that you could figure that out.
‘Night of the Owls’ began in “Batman” #8, and – as the ending of #7 suggested – Bruce didn’t have much time to prepare for the Talons’ arrival. After Snyder gave us a bit of metaphor, and even acknowledged the use of metaphor through Bruce and Alfred’s dialogue, something went bump in the night, and the siege of Wayne Manor began. While Alfred ran off to the cave to hide – Alfred, the baddest of all badasses! – Bruce was attacked by the first of many Talons. Those two did their dance, with Bruce leading, and Alfred backed up Bruce on the radio, telling him where the other Talons were. Until, that is, another Talon was revealed to have slipped into the Batcave behind him. With Alfred off the grid, Bruce took the next few Talons to the roof, proving in the process that everything in or on Wayne Manor can be used as a weapon.
Either that’s a very sturdy weather vane, or the Court of Owls saw it fit to outfit their troops with the same weapons they were buried with. Some masterminds. I would also like to point out that Bruce Wayne is a bad enough dude to fight in his bathrobe. Surrounded on the roof, Bruce took an escape hatch down the chimney to the Batcave, and then proceeded to smash the Talon who was looking for Alfred with his giant coin, like a weird, homicidal cross between Santa and the Tooth Fairy. As more and more Talons followed into the cave, Bruce and Alfred locked themselves in the armory, and Bruce had Alfred set the cave’s temperature to sub-zero, in order to give them a bit of a cold, while he prepared for the upcoming DC/Marvel crossover:
Iron Batman. Hell yeah.
You know what Wonder Woman hasn’t had in a while? A costume change.
Reppin’ the old school red, blue, and gold – but with warrior sensibilities – Diana prepared to venture to the Underworld in an attempt to rescue Zola from Hades, leaving behind both Eros and Hephaestus, and traveling only with Hermes. Hephaestus was kind enough to lend Diana Eros’s pistols – a kindness that Eros didn’t exactly appreciate. The Greek Hawkman teleported himself and Diana into the Underworld, which resembled a deserted city more than the dark caverns of tradition, and explained to Wonder Woman that the Underworld constantly shifts according to Hades whims, and that he essentially uses the souls as his building bricks. On cue, one of the statues cracked open into… well, this:
Jesus. As well as the muscly quasi-centaur, Diana and Hermes had to deal with hands coming out of the ground, attempting to hold them down and get them off balance. Bet Hermes wished he still had his wings. The pair fought their way through the underworld, tearing down more and more meat puppets while enduring Hades’s taunts, eventually finding a familiar cabin in the woods, with a familiar woman with a shotgun inside – though much, much more pregnant. It wasn’t long, though, before Hades arrived, awakening his horde of souls with his presence. Hades was, however, willing to bargain; Zola could go free, even if he didn’t get Hera as his wife and queen, so long as he could have Eros’s pistols. Come on, Diana: he keeps talking about wanting a queen, and is asking for Eros’s guns? Tell me you see where this was going. Apparently, though, she didn’t, and handed the pistols over, only to – sure enough – be shot at. Diana’s normally bullet-deflecting bracers weren’t enough to deflect the magic of the gods, and the shot buried itself – where else? – in her heart. Diana bade Hermes to take Zola and leave, and lay on the ground, bleeding out. Love hurts, man.
Continued below“Amazing Spider-Man” #684 began in the wreckage of the Avengers’ quinjet, where a dazed Black Widow was rescued by a mysterious invisible figure – a figure who planted a bomb on the quintet while rescuing Natasha. The Sinister Six still relished their victory from the previous issue, even though they were down to a Sinister Five, since Electro had been launched into space last mo… hey, wait a minute…
That’s from the final page of last month’s issue. That is Electro, looking pretty not-in-space. Oh well. Doc Ock almost delivered the coup de gras to the immobile Spider-Man, but was distracted by the quintet explosion, and, in his distraction, gave the same invisible figure the chance to rescue Pete. Ock and the rest were obviously a bit irked, but decided to return to their base and recontact the United Nations. With the villains gone, the invisible figure removed the invisibility cloak from both the heroes she rescued and herself, revealing her identity as Silver Sable. Stop trying to make her relevant, Dan – it isn’t going to happen. The three boarded Sable’s similarly invisible jet – HMM – and communicated with Horizon Labs on where to go from there. Patched into Octavius’s latest press conference, Natasha’s keen spy eyes noticed that one of his factories was a former A.I.M. base she had been in before, located and the Sahara. And which of the six is most likely to be in a sprawling desert? You guessed it. There was a lot of techno-babble, but since it will probably never be mentioned again, all you need to know is that the folks at Horizon helped Spidey whip up something that could help him defeat the Sandman. Arriving at the base, Spidey came up with a brilliant plan:
At least somebody else has noticed his constantly changing wardrobe. The plan didn’t work, though; the factory was staffed entirely by Octobots! Octobots building nothing in particular, only shuffling around and looking busy! It’s a trap! The Sandman reared his grainy head, and… well, what do you think happened? With the help of his new toys from Horizon, Spider-Man located the one kernel that housed Flint’s consciousness, brought it to the front, and separated it from the others, rendering him helpless. Next!
This Week’s Contributors were:
Walt – “Batman” #8, “Wonder Woman” #8, “Amazing Spider-Man” #684
Matthew –
Anything we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit.
