Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. Our newest column, the Weekend Week In Review, gives you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance after the cut, but I figure that you could figure that out.
In Alpha Flight #0.1, the team made their triumphant return by defeating Citadel and the Purple Man’s daughter, both of whom were attempting to disrupt Canada’s election day. After seeing Purple Gir- well, Purple Woman brainwash citizens into forming on giant person made out of people, I can’t help but wonder if Pak and Van Lente’s new volume will be highly influenced by Bollywood action flicks. Keep hope alive.
In the “Death of Spider-Man” crossover between Ultimate Avengers versus New Ultimates and Ultimate Spider-Man, Punisher flipped out about having accidentally shot a kid (Peter, of course), and demanded to be … punished. Cap then promised not to leave Spidey’s side, only to immediately do so after the bridge they were on collapsed. After a bit of grumbling, Peter began to hobble to a hospital, only to see the Sinister Six pass overhead towards his house. After the Six had a brief scuffle with Bobby and Johnny, Peter finally made it to his home, and tossed the Vulture aside like one would a Loeb-written Ultimate Marvel title. On the Avengers/Ultimates side of things, the scuffle ended in the Ultimates favor, with Fury captured and the Avengers pardoned for only following orders. As Carol Danvers was hit with a car during the ordeal, Gregory Stark became the new head of S.H.I.E.L.D. The issue ended with him revealing to Fury that he was the one that pitted him and Danvers against each other, and had him shot at the edge of the Triskellion. Still, it’s a better way for SLJ to die than he did in Revenge of the Sith/.
In the new miniseries Gates of Gotham, someone blew up Gotham’s three great bridges. Batman (Dick) questioned the Penguin, who smuggled the explosives in, about what he knew, only to find out that the three bridges were originally named after Gotham’s three major families: the Waynes, the Cobblepots, and the Elliots. Before Dick could locate Thomas Elliot, though, the man better known as Hush was confronted by a mysterious character that looked like something out of an S&M and steampunk-influenced nightmare. Well, more so than your average super-person, that is.
This week in Bendis’s Avengers #13: Red Hulk likes raw eggs! So does Noh-Varr! The Avengers talk about their feelings! Spider-Woman and Miss Marvel gossip about the teammates that they like! Bendi… err, I mean, Hawkeye talks about how much he loves Spider-Woman’s hair! The book catches up to the beginning of Fear Itself #1! No, none of those are made up. Yes, that’s all.
In Justice League of America, “Eclipso blows up the moon because he hates God. Not even joking.”
– Matt Meylikhov
Batman #710, the first issue of a new arc, began with Two Face manically searching for his lost coin. In the end, it turned out to be part of a ploy by Mario Falcone and the long-lost Gilda Dent. Yeah, Harvey’s wife. More importantly, though Dick told Kitrina Falcone to get out of town. I know it’s all just set up for her to defy his wishes and come in at the last minute and save the day, but I would buy the rest of Daniel’s run if she actually listened and was never heard from again.
Yet another Bat-family book! In Batman & Robin #23, Jason Todd was transferred from Arkham to a good old prison. He then proceeded to kill over 80 of the inmates, surprising no one but the warden of said prison. Then, as Jason was transferred back to Arkham, he was freed by… cat people? Yeah, it sounds weird, but this was honestly better than the majority of the issues that have been published featuring Todd.
Continued belowThe latest installment of Uncanny X-Force had the team discover that Warren was being controlled by his Archangel persona, as they stopped him from gutting a reporter who was going to out the mutant hit squad after receiving an anonymous tip-off. After subduing Archangel and moving him into a cell, X-Force freed Dark Beast in hopes that he would be able to “fix” Warren. Turns out he can, but the team has to travel to a dangerous realm: that of the Age of Apocalypse. As if this book wasn’t awesome enough already.
Silver Surfer #4 revealed that Suzi Endo is now a “seeker” (the herald to the High Evolutionary’s Galactus). After Suzi beats and leaves Norrin, “Norrin and the FF develop a plan of action while the high evolutionary begins to terraform the moon and build one of those perfect societies that he’s always rambling on about (one without cow people this time, I assume). On the way to the moon, Valeria Richards gives the reader a crash course in Lunar science and makes the assumption that the High Evolutionary would not be aware of the damage a terraformed moon would have on Earth, since apparently the universe’s most powerful geneticist that just three issues before stole the powers of one of the most powerful beings in the universe is a total retard when it comes to 8th grade Earth science. As it turns out, the high evolutionary is well aware of the affects his actions are having on Earth and is just being a dick.” Using one of the FF’s SCIENCE! machines, Norrin is Silver-Surfered once again, and charges at Suzi, only to… make out. “Can you say cosmic baby making three times fast?”
– Josh Mocle
Dan Jurgens returned to Booster Gold just in time to for Flashpoint. Finding himself in a different timeline, Booster is fired upon be military personel, who believe him to be an Atlantean. I’m not sure how they made that mistake, considering Jurgens made sure to have Booster tell the story of his life yet again. At the end, Doomsday, not content with only sullying the current Superman titles, was sent by the military to deal with the “Atlantean threat.” Cue “To be continued!”
X-Men Giant-Size began with the Neo – characters created by Chris Claremont after his original run Uncanny (which is usually a bad thing) – attacking Utopia. During the battle, Scott had a bit of a hallucination, remembering the first class’s encounter with otherworldly beings called the Evolutionaries. These same beings then appeared at the battle between mutant and Neo, and killed every Neo on the planet with a thought, threatening the same for the mutants if they didn’t eradicate homo sapiens. While that last bit doesn’t sound too pleasant, look at the bright side: no more Neo!
The former Prince of Power became reviled just as quickly as he became beloved by the people of New York in this week’s Herc, and all because he saved a group of escaped prisoners from the Raft from being executed by Kyknos, the resurrected son of Ares. However, it turns out one of those prisoners is more than the junkie she appeared to be: she’s actually Hecate, the Greek goddess of dark magic, dogs, and having too many faces. Think that one virus from ReBoot, only more deific.
“[I] haven’t read [Hawkeye: Blindspot], but I’ll tell you what happens anyway: Hawkeye wins, Mocle cries.”
– Matt Meylikhov
Anything that we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit.
