Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. Our newest column, the Weekend Week In Review, gives you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance after the cut, but I figure that you could figure that out.
In the penultimate issue of Jonathan Hickman’s Secret Warriors, the U.N. took steps to reactivate S.H.I.E.L.D., a mysterious letter from Nick Fury was delivered to Daisy and Sebastian (who have just been chilling on the beach) by Jake, and… oh, I’m forgetting something…
“War of the Green Lanterns” continued in Green Lantern #66, Green Lantern Corps #60, and Emerald Warriors #10. After capturing Hal and Guy, Krona attempted to change them into Guardians for… some reason. While trying to save Mogo with Kyle, though, John was able to convert the Indigo energy of his new ring into Black energy, becoming a Black Lantern and blowing up Mogo with a gun. Is it me, or does it seem like Johns has been deliberately trying to piss of Moore lately? Anyway, this disrupted Krona’s shenanigans, and the four earth-based Lanterns were able to grab some more rings and blow up the general Lantern. Emerald Warriors ended with entire corps being freed from Krona’s control, and posing as a team. Because, let’s face it, shit just got real.
Jason Aaron and Andy Kubert’s Astonishing Spider-Man & Wolverine concluded with Peter, Logan, and Sara (that girl from the bank) being sent to the old west after the whole Phoenix-y, time travel-y debacle ended up with everyone involved being zapped to different periods of time. Eventually, the three of them became comfortable with where they were: Peter took up the cowboy route, Sara decided to start a bank, Logan became chief of a group of Native Americans, Peter and Logan became blood brothers, Sara and Pete fell and love, and Peter told Logan that he planned on asking Sara to marry him. The end!
Or, it would be, but the time police found them and put them back in their normal timeline, and made Sara forget everything that happened, even though Peter still remembers her as the girl he fell in love with. Mondays, am I right?
“Hungry City” continued into Detective Comics #877, wherein Dick escaped from the car crusher that he was in and attempted to strike back, only to find out that the criminal known as “Roadrunner” lived up to his namesake due. “Meep, meep” indeed. After catching the cowardly crook with a well-placed Batarang, Dick learned from Sonia Branch that she was being forced to launder money by former associates of her father by characters, such as Roadrunner and a mysterious new character known as Tiger Shark. Hopefully Snyder will not spend weeks clogging up my Twitter feed insisting that this guy is actually a shark, like Gail Simone does with King Shark.
Uncanny X-Men began with Breakworld’s former Powerlord, Kruun, de-powering Colossus and besting him in unarmed combat. After cutting Pete and leaving him to bleed out, Kruun challenged a suit-less Kitty to find someone on Utopia to help that had not already been incapacitated. The resourceful Miss Pryde led Kruun to a meditating Wolverine, who could smell Kruun even if he couldn’t see what was going around him or hear Kitty while in his trance. Thinking herself in the clear, Kitty tries to get the seemingly reasonable Haleena to help her, only to get a knife to the throat. Cultural differences can be a real pain to understand sometimes.Continued below
After literally coming back from Hell in Wolverine #8, Wolverine spent issue #9 chasing Mystique (again), in order to find out more about the organization known as the Red Right Hand. Turns out, though, Mystique was also being chased by an enigmatic man known as Lord Deathstrike, and the three ended up engaged in an all-out fire (and claw) fight. After finding out the Red Right Hand’s location, Wolverine killed Mystique and left her body on the street. Having momentarily disappeared during the chaos, Deathstrike returned to recover Raven’s body and… auction it off to a group of ninjas. I will say, though, that for some reason a group of ninjas buying the dead body of a female shapeshifter seems significantly less creepy than just one “collector” buying it.
The aftershocks of “Age of X” continued to play out in X-Men Legacy #249. After being turned down by “Basilisk”, Frenzy decided that she wanted to channel her frustration into something good and become an official X-Man. Conversely, after being turned down by Gambit, Rogue… got together with a former genocidal maniac whom she has only been particularly romantically interested with in alternate universes (and during the Claremont years, but back then everyone was always romantically interested in everyone else). And Frenzy is supposed to be the imbalanced one?
In the last issue of Amazing Spider-Man, the kids of the Avengers Academy were brainwashed to hate their friendly neighborhood substitute teacher by Psycho-Man. This week, after a bit of a struggle, Spidey was able to free the kids by appealing to their emotions and the way they have been abused over the years, and together the group was able to beat the man from the microverse. Peter was discouraged by the events of the day, deeply regretting how he endangered the kids. Pym, though, was fine with it, and even went so far as to suggest that Spider-Man could be a regular visiter. Just wait until I bring this up at the next PTA meeting.
Deadpool has a death wish, and I can’t say I blame him. I would too if I were stuck in his ongoing. In issue #37, Deadpool began his quest to kill himself by pissing off Bruce Banner. And you know what happens when Bruce is angry. Even in his Hulk form, though, Banner was able to blow off Wade… that is, until Deadpool detonated a bomb on him (again). I really don’t have anything witty to say about this issue – then again, neither does Daniel Way.
After a bit of smashing in Incredible Hulks #629, Bruce and Betty realized that they still feel for each other. Even so, after a bit of extra Hulking out and saving the world, Betty decides to permanently become the She-Rulk and leave Bruce – supposedly for good. …Except we know that it isn’t for good, because they were together in Fear Itself. Whoopsies.
Anything that we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit. On that note, thanks to Matthew Meylikhov for a host of synopses.