Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. The Weekend Week In Review aims to give you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance after the cut, but I figure that you could figure that out.
Flashpoint #3 began with Thomas tending Barry’s wounds from being stuck by lightning during his attempt to replicate the accident that made him The Flash. Of course, Barry just took this as encouragement to try again, and, of course, it worked the second time. Remember, kids, Barry is a scientist and knows what he’s doing. Do not try this at home. All sped-up and ready to go, Barry figured out that baby Kal-El’s rocket originally landed in Metropolis in this world, and that he would probably need someone with government privileges to access Flashpoint’s Superman. Of course, Thomas knows someone who fits that bill. Desperate for some real friends, Cyborg broke into Project Superman alongside Barry and Thomas, where they ran into Krypto.
Isn’t he cute? The trio eventually found the Man of Steel, only to find out that he had been deprived of sunlight and left as a shadow of a person, thin as a twig. Reminds me of my freshman year of college. By this point, security caught on, and when the quartet made it to the exit, Superman just up, up, and awayed, rejuvenated by the sun. World’s finest my ass.
This week also gave us the halfway point of Fear Itself with issue #4, which opened up with Thor being yelled at by the local Norse-haters. You know how it is: you stay up all night, get a bit toasted, and your dad kicks you out through a magic portal when your neighbors just want you to keep it inside. After Thor reconnected with Tony, Natasha, Nick Fury and Steve to let them know exactly what was going down, the three “main” Avengers split up. They never learned from Scooby Doo, did they? Thor met up with the de-aged Serpent, who revealed himself as Odin’s brother and informed the Odinson that his father was lying. No shit. That’s about all Odin does. Steve, of course, shot a bunch of robo-nazis, and Tony? Tony did this:
I only hope that next issue has Tony and Odin playing ancient Asgardian drinking games. Come on, he’s gone through some rough stuff over the years, he deserves to unwind!
Looks like Spider-Man, Wolverine and Cap aren’t the only ones in Marc Spector’s head. In Moon Knight #3, we were introduced to the Moon Knight television show’s soldier of fortune consultant, former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Buck Lime, who helps Marc with technical things – technical things like identifying whether or not that’s a real Ultron head. We were also given a fairly interesting story about when the two first met, and Spector tortured him while dressed as Bullseye to make sure he could take the pressure. Between all the dressing up and the competing personalities, I hope Echo likes roleplaying.
The ongoing adventures of Deathstroke’s dastardly den of deserters (does that even make sense?) continued in the Titans 2011 Annual, opening with Osiris being just about as merciless as his brother-in-law in a military battle between Kahndaq and Qurac, while his sister Isis spent a while feeling sorry for those her brother was slaughtering. I’m sure they appreciated it. Meanwhile, Deathstroke’s Titans momentarily escaped the JLA because they had a nuke onboard, and the League didn’t want to risk losing heroin boy. Or at least, anymore than they already had (I’m just trying to match the melodrama that Roy has been attracting lately). Also, Congorilla made this face:
Continued below
Anyway. Momentarily free from the League, the team made it to Khandaq, where Slade convinced Osiris to help them fight off the JLA in exchange for his talents as a soldier. The JLA showed up (again), and everyone punched it out until Isis broke the fight up with some tornadoes and such, and threatened that if everyone wearing a costume didn’t leave her country, it would be World War III. You know, again.
Uncanny X-Men #540 began the title’s tie-ins with Fear Itself, with the Worthy-fied Juggernaut hurtling from the sky outside of San Francisco and picking up a random bystander to be his prophet or some such a thing. The harbinger of destruction and his herald made their way into the city smashing up everything in their path, including Multiversity contributor Gil Short. Note: I don’t know exactly where Gil lives, but all the Bay Area is the same to us East Coasters. More importantly, though, Namor tried to put the moves on Emma – he has a thing for blondes – only to be rebuked, causing him to have a hissy fit and suddenly decide he would rather be swimming anyway.
Winick’s latest Jason Todd story ended in Batman & Robin #25. Jason met the captors of former sidekick-of-sorts Scarlet, supposedly all alone – until the Batmobile/plan appears overhead, with Batman & Robin in tow! I have to say, it kind of defeats the point that Winick is trying to make about Jason Todd being better than everybody else – if there’s a different point, I can’t really find it – when he has Batman fly a car that can neither be seen nor heard in a residential area, but hey, comics! Thanks, by the way, Josh, for getting that phrase to become a staple of this column. Of course Red Hood beat up the mystery villains and escaped with Scarlet, keeping Dick and Damian off of his tail by threatening to blow up a rail line, and the two flew off into the sunset victorious (metaphorically, since it was nighttime). Winick also put Professor Pyg’s Doll-o-tron face back on Scarlet, because if Morrison isn’t going to pay attention to what he does, Winick doesn’t have to pay attention to what Morrison does, I guess.
Red Skull #1 showed us that the real reason for Johann Schmidt became a Nazi was because he had to watch a puppy be devoured by a bunch of bigger dogs since he wouldn’t kill it himself while working for a dogcatcher.
That’s all I’ve got.
In Azzarello and Risso’s Flashpoint tie-in Batman – Knight of Vengeance #2, Gordon went ahead of Thomas to confront the Joker, but instead only ended up accidentally shooting one of Harvey Dent’s children and getting his throat cut. The big bombshell, though, was the revelation that Flashpoint’s Joker is Martha Wayne. Of course, if you read last month’s edition of this column (or pieced together the pretty obvious clues yourself), you already knew that. If not, your reaction was probably something like this:
Anything that we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit.
