Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. The Weekend Week In Review aims to give you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance after the cut, but I figure that you could figure that out.
In Ultimate Fallout was the reveal of the new, half-black, half-hispanic Ultimate Spider-Man (“Possibly homosexual. Must investigate further. – Glenn Beck). Since nothing else has been said about the issue in the press, I’m going to assume that was all that happened in said issue and yell at Marvel for spoiling it, because there was clearly nothing else worth reading going on in the aforementioned issue. Right?
Superman ended at issue #714, wherein Clark decided that, yes, the world does need Superman, and a good amount of page space was devoted to saying how great the Lois & Clark relationship is and how it will never end. Oops. But that’s not all! Not to be outdone by Marvel, DC revealed a new black Superman! And not only black, but a woman, too! And not only that, but she’s part of the mainstream DCU, not some alternate reality! Yes, she’s never going to be heard from again, but still, take that, Marvel!
Picking up after the cliffhanger ending that preceded it, Flashpoint #4 opened up with Flash, Batman and Cyborg being saved by the slightly unbalanced Delirium Element Woman. Shortly afterward, though, Barry suffered a crippling time-graine as his memories tried to rewrite themselves to match the current timeline. The team brought him to the Captain Thunder kids to see if they could fix his mind because… you know, lightning. It worked, of course, and the small group assembled the rest of the small superhero community and dropped in on Aquaman and Wonder Woman’s big battle. The Enchantress, being a jerk and a traitor, turned on the team and split Captain Thunder up into the six kids, leading to Billy being stabbed to death. And, as we all knew, this was all just an attempt by Thawne to piss of Barry and get his attention. And people say the Joker is gay for Batman.
In the latest issue of Moon Knight, Marc and Maya (Echo) met for a sorta-but-not-really date to exchange information. No, no, information about the Kingpin of LA and what they had both found. Before things went anywhere, though, the Night Watch showed up, and a fight broke out. Typical. There were some tough moments, but Moon Knight and Echo came out on top, until the police showed up to break things up. An average night in L.A. for them, I’m sure. Also, Echo apparently can’t understand Moon Knight when he’s wearing his mask, eliminating just as many… “intimate” opportunities as his schizophrenia introduced. Ah well.
In the first issue of the new volume of The Punisher, Frank did something you’d never expect: he killed a bunch of people! Said people were involved with a bit of a murder-fest at a wedding, the reasons for which are still kind of hazy. Ask again later. We were also given an interview with one of the detectives assigned to the wedding case, wherein he described a situation that he was once in that made him a hero and got him promoted. One small caveat: it was actually Frank Castle that did all the things that Detective Bolt did. Oh well, it’s not like Frank gets violent when he finds out he has been betrayed, right?
At the beginning of The Gates of Gotham, Tim and Damian got their asses kicked by The Architect. Secret ninja training means nothing when you’re up against a centuries-old… architect. Right. In a flashback, we were shown that Nicholas Gate figured out that his brother was murdered so that their bridge would be built somewhere else. Nicholas took this information to Alan Wayne, making a total rookie mistake: assuming that rich people care about anyone else. Black Bat – which I still think is a silly name – found Nicholas’s journal, locking us in an endless loop. Well, not really. Another flashback revealed that Nicholas donned the suit in the past to kill Cameron Kane, only he ended up killing Kane’s son instead. The issue ended with Dick on his way to confront The Architect and “prove everything he believes is a lie.” Way to stick up for the Man, Dick.
A book called Secret Six ended at issue #36 this week. I’ve never heard of it. It must not have been a particularly good series.
Anything that we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit.
