Inhumans: “Divide and Conquer”

Ken: So. We’re back again.

Robbie: And dashed are any hopes that the first two episodes were just a rough start. I’m looking over my notes, and I think about halfway through I blacked out and just collapsed face-first onto the keyboard. So, where do we begin? Black Bolt’s short-lived prison stint? Medusa casually entering someone’s house, eating their food, and taking their clothes that coincidentally fit her perfectly? How about Gorgon’s good luck at discovering the surfers he met are all ex-soldiers who bring their weapons with them wherever they go? Or Karnak joining a pot farm?

I can’t believe I had to utter all those phrases…

Ken: Actually, something a lot smaller, but stupid. The flashback of Maximus and Black Bolt as teenagers. Because it establishes two things:

1. Black Bolt did not undergo Terrigenesis in utero, stomach shiving an interesting aspect of his character.

2. His name isn’t “Blackagar Boltagon”. One of the most stupidly awesome names in all of comics.

Complete cowardice.

Robbie: Which then begs the question: what kind of parents name their kid “Black Bolt”? It makes sense as being derived from “Blackagar Boltagon,” which is no less goofy than some other Inhuman names, like Arcadius, Tonaja, or even Karnak. But does this make his full name Black Bolt Boltagon?

Speaking of flashbacks, we also see one for Maximus, but unless I’m misinterpreting the scene, are they saying that his terrigenesis resulted in him losing all Inhuman DNA and becoming completely human? Although I’m theorizing that he really does still have his mind control powers, except on a far more subtle level, which is what allows him to be such a persuasive figure. Except that would require the show actually having a twist somewhere down the line.

Ken: Yeah. In a better made adaptation, that could’ve been good. But this flashback with Maximus kind of shoots that in the foot, because why would his dad lie to him about this? Unless the dad was lying and in another flashback we find out why and my brain is starting to already hurt from the mental gymnastics this show’s gonna pull to tie things together.

Speaking of tying things together in amazing coincidences shall we talk about Gorgon and his merry band of surfers/soldiers. Which, as an idea for it’s own spin-off, could be a fun thing!

Robbie: Isn’t it so fortuitous that the people who Gorgon rescued all happen to be highly-trained ex-soldiers, and that they had several guns, rounds of ammunition, and even equipment for scaling and repelling down trees with them? People bring that when they go out surfing all the time, right?

I suppose it is possible that they went home, got their equipment, then came right back before the Inhuman troops arrived, but we’re not shown anything to indicate that’s the case. As far as we see, they save him from drowning, he befriends them, and overnight they agree to fight and die for this guy they just met without a second thought, because something something Hawaii once had a king too.

And once again, I find myself more interested in the characters we’re supposed to root against. Mortis, for instance, I found a little amusing. He was snarky, and pretty chill about everything – not what you’d expect from a character everyone describes as a bringer of death and an uncontrollable force of destruction. What’s his story? Or how about Flora, who can control plants (something we’ve seen very little of on Attilan), how’d she end up as one of the elite troopers? I can’t believe they’re given more personality than our protagonists.

Ken: That stuff about Hawaii having a king really got to me. Because, really? Really? This show, that is setting up the dude wanting to abolish a harmful caste system as the villain?! This show wants to start talking about imperialism?! I didn’t know whether to be offended or to laugh until I die.

As for Auran’s troops. Yeah. I’ll give that they (mostly Mortis) had something to them. This will probably be all we get from them, more wasted potential. Also, did you notice? Mortis has uncontrollable energy beams that emit from his face. Where have I seen that one before?

Robbie: Depends, are you thinking about a suit of magical armor that blasts energy beams from its face, or perhaps a mutant whose uncontrollable energy beams come from his eyes? (Sorry, “concussive blasts” come from his eyes.) That’s almost as creative as Black Bolt’s cellmate, who happens to be an Inhuman with the power of glowing melty heat-hands. I believe he’s the third Inhuman we’ve seen on TV with that ability so far, and we haven’t even had Dante appear yet.

But yes, that no-good, evil, scheming Maximus has put his plans into action… by abolishing the caste system, and no longer determining which Inhumans are superior by their family lines or genetic lottery. That monster. Next thing you know he’ll limit his term as king and allow elections to determine future rulers! Invest in Terrigen research to allow all Inhumans a chance at terrigenesis! Open up diplomatic relations with Earth!

Ken: Absolute chaos, anarchy and lawlessness. Speaking off, let’s shift focus to the next dose of “Wait, What?!”: Medusa. The Queen of Attilan. The Lady of House Amaquelin. And apparently an expert in Breaking & Entering. So, Medusa has shown an… let’s be generous and say inconsistent knowledge of Earth tech. She knows what a bus is, she knows what an ATM is but doesn’t know how it functions, and apparently knows written English based on how she discerns Black Bolt’s whereabouts.

Like, I get that the Inhumans observed Earth, but I just wish there was some sense of consistency as to what they know.

Robbie: They know exactly as much and as little as the writers want for convenience. Want the oh-so hilarious scene of Medusa talking to an ATM? That’s right where her knowledge stops. But need her to break into someone’s house then break into prison to try breaking Black Bolt out? Oh, she’s an expert at that. And in spite of that, she still feels like such a flat character.

The sad part is, I really want to be able to say more about Medusa. I want to be able to analyze her personality and get a real understanding of the depth of her character, like we’ve gotten from the comics. And I know we can’t expect to fully understand what makes her tick in just three episodes, but I want something other than “Black Bolt’s wife.”

Ken: Suppose we just have two more plotlines: Karnak’s capture by pot farmers and Crystal’s escape. How much can we really say about Karnak’s predicament. Like the fluctuations of everything else, it tries to bring some pathos, but the inconsistencies with Karnak’s powers are really undermining things.

Robbie: There was one moment about that subplot that wasn’t bad, and that was Karnak’s existential crisis now that his powers aren’t working, and how he feels he’s failing his family and his king by not being able to find them or help them. It would have been a really nice moment, if not for one problem: we got all of one episode to see how Karnak’s powers work, and briefly at that. We don’t see how he relied on them, or how the others relied on him. So there’s no impact for us, as viewers, to see how low he’s fallen without them. Sure, it’s emotional for the character, but why should we care?

Ken: And that brings us to kind of the last segments: Crystal and Maximus. You know what: I’ll give fair credit. Crystal does a bit better here than last week, mostly because she’s acting opposite an actual person the whole time. I mean, the double cross is seen a mile away, but the interactions between Crystal and Maximus are probably the best between the main characters so far? Maybe? Again: Bottom of the barrel, and it’s rushed but you can at least see an arc and development.

I’m grasping at straws here, aren’t I?

Robbie: I’ll take what straws I can get. It’s not the best, but it’s not the worst either, and maybe she’ll be of value after her almost-daring escape. Still unimpressed by the visuals for her powers, but at least it’s more than just a single semi-fiery pop.

And then, right after the escape, they incapacitate Lockjaw again. What the hell, show? Don’t they know that the only reason many of us stomach this is for the promise of a big teleporting dog? I get it, having a teleporter that can go from the moon to Earth and back gives them a big plot device, so they have to find a way to limit his powers, but c’mon, no one wants to see Lockjaw get hurt every episode. I stopped watching Gotham for less crimes against dogs than that.

Ken: Yeah, Crystal’s not exactly Shouto Todoroki.

As for Lockjaw, not only did they incapacitate him, but in one of the meanest ways ever: he gets hit by a Quad. That’s how the episode ends! Like, how dare you, character I don’t know, hit this Good Pupper?! Some may have seen me ranting about this on twitter, but I basically, if this character (who I believe I called a rotten foreskin) ends up dead by season’s end, I’ll take back… some… of what I’ve said about this show.

So, basically, this was the first episode that wasn’t written by Scott Buck, so there was hope that it’d be slightly better. And it wasn’t. It really wasn’t at all.

Robbie: And we haven’t even touched on Black Bolt… just kind of being there in prison until someone breaks him out. Yay. Honestly, is there even anything to discuss there? Space lady and government organization guy (which is probably not related to SHIELD at all) show up, and maybe next week they’ll actually be relevant. Until then, we’ve been left with a whole lot of very little.

Anything else we should discuss, or shall we wrap this up?

Ken: Think we’re good. Christ, this show.