Welcome back all you Riverdale fans! Things slow down this week as we get a focused look at the most mysterious character this show has ever introduced: Pop Tate. What wonders will we learn about the secret origin of his cheeseburger recipe? What new insights will we get about his chocolate shake? Will we finally know what drives him to be the fixture of the Riverdale community? Tune in to find out.
And as always, spoilers ahead.
1. Gangster Origins: Hiram
You know, I would have almost preferred to get a Pop Tate origin story to a Hiram one. I’ve made no bones about my distaste for all things Hiram Lodge. He’s a boring character saved only by the grace of Mark Conseulos’ performances and the occasional ridiculous story beat. I did not need a breakdown of how he became “Hiram Lodge, feared gangster” and I really didn’t need an hour long episode focused entirely on that.
Look, I get it. They wanted to complicate the character and contrast Hiram with Reggie because the two seem so similar. This way, we see how Hiram’s dad was a bit naïve but ultimately a good man whereas Reggie’s dad is garbage and doesn’t deserve the help Reggie gives him. It’s not a bad idea, and the execution was done with surprising restraint for Riverdale, but it was pretty bog standard all things considered and I found myself drifting for much of the episode. I’m glad they took the chance but this is a character I could’ve done without two seasons ago.
2. Getting the Gang Back Together
All that said, it was fun to see the cast reprise their roles as the high school versions of their parents. That was a fun idea from season 3 and while they don’t have a lot to do, seeing as this is a very Hiram centric episode, the small scenes they do have show off the casts’ ability to inhabit similar but different roles. I especially loved seeing Madelaine Petch play Penelope. She captured the kind of blue-blooded narcissism that Penelope would have had and perfectly sold the dissonance shaming Hermione for falling for someone who was clearly in with “illegal activity” while the Blossoms are literally a crime family without the organization. Come on Penelope, there are better ways to undermine Jaime.
I do have to say, Consuelos playing Hiram’s dad was a close second in terms of enjoyability. That moustache! It looked so fake but Conseulos looked like he was having so much fun. The actor who played Hiram also did a great job, though it felt at times like he was early season 1 KJ Apa or season 2 on SupergirlKatie McGrath, fighting to hide their regular voice, in Apa & McGrath’s cases their New Zealand & Irish accents respectively, in order to sound like the character. There were times when I absolutely thought this was just a de-aged Consuelos and other times I could clearly tell it was someone pretending to be him.
Kudos to the actor, though. You had a tough job and you did it well.
3. When The Trains On the Tracks’ Like A Great Pasta Snack, That’s A Massacre
One of those ways is to just kill his dad in a drive by shooting outside of Pop’s. YEAH. That happens. Hiram’s Dad, after getting wind of Hiram becoming a delivery boy for Vito, the local Mafia boss, confronts Vito and tells him to let Hiram go, mirroring what Reggie’s dad does to Hiram earlier in the episode, only Hiram’s dad is far more naive and far less shitty. It does paint an interesting picture between Vito & Hiram as mob bosses. Vito seemed to care more than Hiram in his business dealings but Hiram shows far more compassion when dealing with a very similar situation, likely because his dad was a good man unlike Reggie’s father and thus his killing was highly traumatic and so he knows the damage it would do to take his usual approach to these kinds of ultimately idle threats. It paints a picture of two very different ideas of gangsterism, one more like a business, another far more personal, with pros and cons to each, but both causing pain.
Continued belowIt also means that we got to see how Hiram actually came to be the head of the criminal underground in Riverdale and it was through his favorite form of takeover: a hostile one. Yeah, he just straight up murders the whole inner circle sans Vito, who was out of town, and we figure out that HE was the one Hiram got a call about at the start of the episode. Now, I figured it out pretty quickly that Hiram wasn’t hunting his dad, though I did think that at first, what with the Reggie parallels being made, but I did not expect the very unceremonious end for Vito in a nursing home. What a way to go out. At least it wasn’t at a table over poker.
4. What Reggie Wants
Reggie’s place in all this still baffles me a little. Like, I can see why he would have joined up with Hiram after taking on his dad’s debt. I can see why he would want to stay with Hiram after all that because he feels like he has a father figure he can respect and who treats him like a son rather than a punching bag for all his own insecurities. I can also see why other people would try to get him away from Hiram but what I don’t see is why he’s so OK with being a gangster. Sure, Reggie has always been a bit of a bully, and he’s always seemed most content when doing slightly shady things with Veronica at La Bonne Nuit but him enjoying being Hiram’s enforcer has always felt a little…I dunno, off?
It’s the desire to be farther into that world alongside Hiram that’s getting to me. We never saw him struggle with all the horrible shit Hiram has done to him and his friends specifically. Reggie idolizes that Hiram never laid a hand on Veronica or Hermione but he doesn’t seem to associate Hiram with any of the horrible emotional abuse and manipulation he used or the constant threat that, take a wrong turn, and you might end up dead, much as it would pain him. I wish we had gotten to see Reggie wrestle with this over time, or even acknowledge some of it here.
It’s not bad that we don’t see it, as it shows Reggie to be far more naïve than he pretends to be, and it gives Hiram the ability to do a noble thing, showing that he is more than just a ruthless gangster and that his motivations are more complex and human. I almost bought that this trip down memory lane and the laying out of all his baggage was giving him the chance to turn over a new leaf, like Reggie’s dad seems to be doing – we’ll see if that holds, abuser that he is. But the end of the episode, and the nagging suspicion that he was leaving out large swaths of his story post taking over the Riverdale underground thanks to Hermosa or her mother never factoring into the rosy ending, disavowed me of that notion. He is still complex and human, but he remains twisted and broken by his pride and desire.
I like that choice, despite the Riverdale of it all.
5. So THAT’S Why He Love Shiny Rocks
You know how I know a hiatus was too long? Because, despite being reminded of it last week, I had totally forgotten about the Blossom Maple Grove being burnt down by Hiram in order to get the land in order to get the palladium under said land after the palladium under the land under Hiram’s prison was all tapped out. “Citizen Lodge” finally pulls back the curtain on why Hiram is so obsessed with the palladium; you know, beyond his usual obsession with extractive wealth and power.
Turns out, he’s doing it for the memory of his father. Sounds sweet until he makes it clear he’s doing it out of spite to show he’s better than his father and that he, Hiram Lodge/Jaime Luna, should never have been mocked. It’s once again him motivated by his own pride, animating him long after the slights were done. It’d be tragic if I weren’t so bored by watching all this palladium business. Again, I totally forgot about it because I was more concerned with the far more interesting developments regarding Toni & Cheryl’s ongoing fight (wherein Cheryl is far from the mature one,) Betty’s hunt for Truck-Kun, and MOTHMAN. And need I remind you:
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That about does it for now! What did you all think of this deep dive into Hiram’s past? Did you think it was a mystery that needed exploring, as Jughead melodramatically narrated at the start? Let me know in the comments and I’ll catch you all next week for machinations and dog fighting?????? Until then, stay spiteful Riverdale
Best Line of the Night (slim pickings this week):
Hermione: “‘Hiram’ sounds nice. Strong, unique. But ‘Lott’? I think you can do better. How about something statelier? Like, ‘Lodge’?”
Hiram: “Hiram Lodge. It’s not half bad.”
