Welcome back all you Riverdale fans! Get your theories in and your questions ready because we’re in the Endgame now. Because of. . .well, ya know, this season of Riverdale has been shortened by about 3-ish episodes, thus making “Lynchian” season four’s penultimate episode.
And it REALLY doesn’t feel like it. As always, spoilers ahead.
1. Erase Her Tape
It seems like we’re finally getting somewhere with those VHS tapes and the apparent snuff film of fake Betty murdering fake Jughead from last week. Where is it going? I haven’t the foggiest and, honestly, I don’t think the show does either. We know, from the mouth of Aguirre-Sacasa himself, that they tend to leave certain major plot points up in the air, so it’s no surprise that they’ve waited to figure out who would be the best person to be responsible for the tapes. Will we get resolution to it next week? I’ll be honest, I’m not convinced we will.
With the shortened season and only one episode left, I can see Riverdale making the decision to use the tapes as an easy way to lead into the next season rather than rushing to a conclusion. Like, sure, it could be revealed to us, the audience, but questions will remain and it’s a smarter play. Gives them room to play with other subplots or small, single episode arcs for the finale while really laying the groundwork for the return. It’s hard to outdo the last season finale, so why even bother?
It would also give them more chances to misdirect us, like they tried to do with Ethel.
Speaking of which, ETHEL WAS BACK! YAY! They’ve really done her dirty, what with The Farm stuff, so I’m glad she’s around and not a giant creepy video tape stalker. Sure, I never bought it for a second, I’ve said since the start that it’s Charles, but it was fun while it lasted. I do have to wonder, if it is Charles doing all this, what the fuck is his endgame?!
And if it’s not him, then what was up with his wiretapping of Betty & that one scene that’s never been followed up on with Chic? I haven’t forgotten Riverdale, much as I’d like to. Charles is the mastermind of these tapes. This is the Riverdale hill I will die on.
2. Blue Agave
You want a good misdirect, though? That end scene of Mr. Honey. Again, I don’t think it’s him but this is an effective way of getting us to be suspicious of Mr. Honey. There are a lot of moments throughout the season that raise flags about the guy, none more than back in the halloween episode, and with The Death of Jughead finished, this is the perfect time to return to Mr. Honey’s strangeness.
Like, the fuck is Mr. Rules doing, going to the decidedly sketchy section of a VHS STORE IN 2020 with a literal fucking snuff film of Jason’s death which, first off, who the fuck made that tape and, second, how the fuck did it get here on VHS?! It’s a hell of a way to end the episode and is also what makes me think that this is one plot they didn’t shorten with the shorter season. It had a slight rush to it but not enough to make me go, oh wow, that was going to be at least two episodes worth, wasn’t it?
He still has places to go, set-up wise, though it would’ve been nice to get this during the preppies section of the season.
3. Rum Land Empires
Now this is one plot that DEFINITELY got truncated. A whirlwind of back and forth in the usual Riverdale manner, this felt like they wanted to wrap up the Veronica vs Hiram plotline before the end of the season. It works, for the most part, but it was a rather lackluster way to end things. The show has had a real problem, as with many CW shows, of having every episode’s iteration of this plot follow the same trajectory: Veronica smugly tries something, Hiram smugly shuts it down, Veronica throws a tantrum, calms, hatches a plan, and it sorta works before Hiram smugs back in and we’re back to square one. Very little is accomplished and despite the show’s insistence, it feels like Veronica never learns anything.
Continued belowHowever, with the parallel plot of Hiram’s internal feelings of emasculation due to his degenerative disease — a move I really like for his character since it brings into relief the ways his own self worth is directly tied to physical strength and, therefore, power — there is a forward momentum that drives us towards this episode’s resolution. The whole thing with the heretofore unheard of gang of maple moonshiners, a group you’d think Cheryl would have heard about since, ya know, they’re literally the maple barons of Riverdale, was ridiculous and out of left field but it was effective in all the ways that mattered.
It also clarified why Veronica wasn’t thrilled with her father’s antics and why she stays close to him despite literally three seasons worth of awful deeds. It’s not the manipulation, it’s not the bodies, it’s not even the “beating the shit out of teenagers” thing — it’s that his business was shady and she couldn’t trust he’d gone legit.
Cool. Sure. Whatever. He’s good now, right?
Oh. Shit. He still went back to shoot the guy and he totally tried to pull the trigger in that first scene but couldn’t. Great.
Where’s Hermione? Can we get her back?
4. Five Diaries: Fire Burn With Betty
You know I’ve hated the Barchie bullshit they’ve been setting up. I thought I’d be furious but damn, somehow they turned it into something effective. There will always be the question of whether or not this was how the plot would have played out had production not been halted but. . .Riverdale was at its best in season one, when it was half the size it is now. You can only stretch things out for so long and while Riverdale very much overstuffs itself to accommodate for this, and it works about half the time, eventually something has to give.
The truncation of the season has shown that some of these plots work far better when focused in the way they were here. The conceit of Betty going back through her diaries and trying to suss out her feelings for Archie is a classic, and also serves to highlight how much she has changed. It’s a damn fine way to show that, yes, the past is important but just because you once loved something or someone doesn’t mean you still must now in the same way.
You owe nothing to past you.
It’s also important to note that Archie plays a bit part when compared to Betty. He’s not struggling in the same way. He’s returned to his guitar, a piece of his past, and found comfort in it. Now, I think music is exactly what Archie needs but thematically him giving it up again at the end, after being shut down by Betty, in favor of the Naval Academy is a nice touch. The two absolutely sell me on the struggle and difficulty of both deciding to get together and then to break it off before they do anything they would regret. Betty still loves Jughead and she says that Archie still loves Veronica.
Archie not struggling during this at all is VERY TELLING too. I was really caught off guard that the show was taking the time to show, instead of tell, for this point. It’s been pretty clear all season that his relationship with Veronica had many cracks, especially when you compare it to Jug and Betty, but I never expected that to be acknowledged in the way it was, with him being all down for getting together with Betty while she struggled.
Never thought I’d say this but the end of the Barchie plotline was great and additive and, while I’m glad it’s over, I’m also glad it happened.
5. Tickled at Heart
I can’t fucking believe the tickle video subplot came back and in, perhaps, the most baffling way imaginable.
So, Fangs and Jug bring Reggie into the fold because you gotta have more Reg in this show and he’s like, “Bruh, if we do this ourselves, we can make bank.” So they do. And they bring in both the football team and the cheerleading squad and all I can think is, “How the fuck is Reggie gonna pay for this and also find an audience?” But, somehow it all works out and they make bank. So, Terry, the guy who originally introduced them to the weird world of tickle videos, threatens to BREAK KEVIN’S FINGERS in Pops’ unless they get 40% of the profits which, OK dude, sure.
Continued belowKevin tells Reggie who’s, of course, like “Who’s this poser to threaten us?” and sets up an ambush like the mob boss in training he is, and successfully (?) chases Terry away by threatening to have the football team beat him to shit. They win, right? Money money money forever? Fat chance.
Mr. Honey finds out. He rips them a new one not because there is anything obscene, though it is kinda weird, but because like the chucklefucks they are, they were wearing official school uniforms and equipment, which is all kinds of illegal since it’s representational of a school and they’re profiting off of it without the consent of the school. Morons.
Reminder. This all happens in one episode and has more screentime, I believe, than either Veronica’s plot or the Barchie stuff. Fucking wild. I had no real thoughts on it. Just wanted to recap the sheer bonkers nature of this plot.
Oh, and Fangs and Kevin seem to be making things far more long term and I want more of them please.
That about does it for now! Next week, we have “Killing Mr. Honey,” the 19th and final episode of season four. What’s in store for us? Will we find out who’s been sending the VHS tapes? Will we find out who’s been making the strange murder re-enactments? Let me know in the comments and I’ll see you all next week. Until then, stay ticklish y’all.
Best Line of the Night:
Charles: “There’s hours of footage.”
Jughead: “This place have any popcorn?”
