What’s up river-bitches? The 50s called and they want their Archie back. Sock-hops, by gums, and the scandal of having a BOY in your ROOM are all on display as the crew settles into their new era. I sure hope nothing bad happens.
As always, spoilers ahead.
1. The Seduction of the Innocent
I feel like a real fool for not noticing what the writers were doing with Dr. Werther. I mean, what a strange name for a new character played by, as I mentioned last week, DuPont from Stonewall Prep, right? Of course he’s a stand-in for the infamous Dr. Wertham aka the guy who helped sterilize & regress the content of mainstream comics and decimate entire genres, effects that have taken decades to reverse ever so slightly. And it seems like he and Mr. Featherstone are going to be partners in regression this season.
Oh golly oh jeez oh fuck. What could these two have planned? I’m jazzed to see! This is one of the benefits of the new setting for Riverdale. We’re filtering characters through multiple lenses. In this case it’s Principal Featherstone, originally played by Anthony Michael Hall, back through comics Principal Weatherbee and through 2023’s idea of the 50s and 50s nostalgia and THEN back again through Riverdale‘s particular blend of hyper-reality and pulp melodramatic sensibilities. Who knows what blend of nonsense we’re going to get soon?
2. Repression! Repression! Repression!
Sadly, there’s not all that much nonsense going on in “Skip, Hop, and Thump!” As with “Don’t Worry, Darling,” the writers are clearly trying to transpose many of the interpersonal elements and plots of season 1 back into the 50s and then fold in the other season’s developments too. It works better here than in the last episode because “Don’t Worry, Darling” had the same issues as season 1: it was just too damn serious for the elements it’s trying to support.
There’s a level of cheese and flippancy that’s needed to sell the ridiculousness of the show’s drama. That doesn’t mean we can’t get genuine moments of effective emotions, like Veronica’s conversations with Archie or Cheryl pining after Toni at the dance, but those only work because they’re set against Ethel and Jughead getting into the horror comics business or the serpents threatening to throw rotten eggs instead of threatening to beat the absolute shit out of anyone going to the sock hop. The stakes are low and mundane, allowing the melodrama to shine more…and for the nonsense to stand-out just as much.
Nonsense like Alice Cooper repressing so hard she sabotages her daughter’s nascent feelings for Archie, the neighbor boy, by strong-arming Kevin into “fixing” their relationship, a relationship neither Betty nor Kevin actually wants. But Kevin can’t say he’s gay, or maybe even not admit it to himself, and Alice cannot imagine dating anyone but the first man you kiss so…
I loved every minute of this lady being The Worst. The shots of her furiously scrubbing a pan and then pouring sugar into a drink like she’s about to poison Kevin, all with that fake smile she wants to be real? Good shit! I feel properly unsettled by this lady and she’s not even being malicious, just deeply busted by a society that forces a veneer of perfection upon everything until you cannot imagine it any other way and will violently reject anything to the contrary.
For the first time in a long time, the show understands who Alice Cooper is and, more importantly, why. Unburdened from the baggage of six seasons, but viewed through them, this Alice can take a proper journey. Whether it ends in forgiveness or a doubling down, we’ll just have to wait.
3. Archie Comics Can’t Dance
Can you believe an entire plot point in this episode centers around Archie not being able to dance? Like, that’s the inciting incident for literally everything with Betty and Kevin? And also Veronica realizing she’s being a pretty shit person? AND SMITHERS GETTING HIS CAMEO?! I love it.
I also love the self-reflection this Veronica is doing. We don’t know what’s going on in her head but we know she’s lonely, in a new place, and is putting on airs.
Continued belowThat’s actually the theme of this week’s episode: the masks we wear for ourselves and for others. What do we hide and why do we hide it? What are we afraid of hurting us and which are solvable without threat of serious harm – Veronica’s loneliness, Betty’s wavering feelings – and which aren’t – Kevin & Cheryl’s queerness in a deeply homophobic era, Ethel’s parental abuse?
Dammit. I wanted this thought to be a goof on Archie being an absolute rotten dancer and then ending the night by dancing with his mom, which is both a little sad and also sweet. Bah! This is what you’ve done to me Riverdale. This is what you’ve done!
Also fuck Julian for making fun of Fred Andrews’ fashion sense.
4. Comics Will Break Your Perfect Attendance
Is it weird that I’m mad Riverdale didn’t go harder on the “the comics industry has always been very shady” angle. I love comics. I love the industry. It had treated its creatives so terribly throughout all time and then the show kinda does a soft-peddle around the subject, being like “well, you gotta take your lumps when you’re young and hungry?” I couldn’t get a bead on whether the scenes were meant to be dunking on Jughead for his righteous indignation or a parody of that kind of dunking that you’d see played straight in a silver age, post-code comic.
Like, he asks for 7 pages turned around in a night? A NIGHT? Was that normal at the time? Is that normal now?? I don’t think it is and yet there’s nothing critical about it in the text or the framing. It’s just the way things are. And if that’s how they are, things are much worse than they pretend to be.
5. Don’t Show Your Muggs Around Here Again
OH! SHIT! Y’ALL! Clearly I’ve been away from Riverdale for too long because I only realized about 5 minutes before the sock-hop that by dark magic or contractual obligation, any and all dances in this show MUST end with either a body or something going terribly, horribly wrong. In this case, it’s Ethel wandering into the gym covered (by CW and 50s film standards, I guess) in blood.
It’s time we got back to our roots people. The 50s are here to stay but things are soon to get a lot more Riverdale. Welcome back Muggs. Please, PLEASE, survive this experience.
That about does it for now! What did you all think of our sophomore outing in the final season? Was it everything you wanted? I know it was for me. Did you see Veronica’s purple comics dress? SO FUN. And next time they put the “sexy” back into “sexy Archie?” How the hell will that follow up on Ethel covered in blood? I don’t know! But I do know you can’t trust a cliffhanger in this show. Let me know all your theories in the comments. Until then, stay AWAY FROM ALICE COOPER’S PANS Riverdale.
Best Line of the Night:
Archie: “You remember when I broke MIdge’s big toe doing the bunny hop?”
