Welcome back all you Riverdale fans. This week was a big one and I have to say, fifteen minutes in and I felt like I’d been sitting for an hour but in the best of ways. All our plots advance, the drama levels are set to 11 and the season seems to be gearing up for the end. . .in 7 episodes. I’ll save my comments on that for next week. And as always, spoilers ahead.
1. The Blossom Family Brawl
Normally I go in relative chorological order for these but I have to start us off with possibly the best part of this episode, the Blossom Will reading. This scene was something straight out of a gothic novel, as if Cheryl wasn’t already. From the matriarch of the family snubbing Penelope’s hand, to everyone, months after the Clifford’s death, being in all black, to Alice Cooper busting into the room to tell her husband that he was going to be sued for trying to divorce her in order to keep the money from the Blossom’s secret will, to the fact that there even was a secret will – this whole scene was a joy to watch.
The tension in the air, the sea of red hair, the sea of greedy, greedy gothic characters who get no lines but make more of an impact than half of the Riverdale High kids – all this combines to make the ambiance of this scene sparkle.
This was only made better by the appearance of Clifford Blossom dun dun dun. OK, not Clifford, he’s very dead but this is his, get this, long lost twin-brother. Yeah. Riverdale, I know you love secret family members (how many is this now? 4?) but you can lighten up a little. You also don’t need to show Cheryl fainting in slow motion. That was unnecessary. Do keep the Blossom tensions though. A lot of mileage can be gotten out of that.
2. Polly Want a Decision?
Polly. Is your only purpose in this show to show up, fight with your mom, complain about your twins and then disappear again? Because if so, you’re doing a fantastic job. If not, what are the writers doing with you? Pick a status quo, build a plot around it but don’t just have her be this chess piece that you can maneuver into place whenever you need easy tension for Alice Cooper. Have her be a more integral part of the plot or keep her off screen like you have for most of the season.
Her presence also raises the questions about why the heck Alice is so trusting in Chic. Chic has been nothing but creepy since his arrival. Sure, we are biased because the music, camera, delivery, staging, lighting and script are about as subtle as a rake handle to the face, but if we’re supposed to believe that Alice would trust Chic after doubting literally everyone else for two seasons, show us why. The justification can’t be that he’s supposedly the child Alice gave up years ago and so she has a guilt complex towards him.
If that is the case, we should be focusing on Alice’s relationship with Chic and her slowly realizing something is amiss instead of watching Betty, along with everyone that meets him, say that Chic is creepy and that something about him doesn’t add up. Still, at least we actually know more about Chic through Polly’s arrival, even if it is all speculative at the moment.
3. Twin Snakes
While this isn’t about the serpents which honestly, thank god that plot thread has been resolved, this is about my two favorite topics to complain about: Hiram and Chic. I’ve just spent the above point berating Chic so I’ll leave him alone except to say; I hope he does something other than whimper and be creepy soon.
OK. Onto Hiram. Hiram gets the bulk of the attention this week, with Jughead narrowing in on what he’s doing with the SoDale project, Fred Andrews possibly running for mayor, Archie trying his damnedest to stop that and Veronica trying her damnedest to stop him. I’m glad we’re finally, finally, getting answers for what Hiram has been planning.
Continued belowThis has been a slow burn plot thread and it could have very easily been condensed. We didn’t need so many episodes of Hiram chuckling in the background about his secret, obviously evil plan. Like, if you were going to use the time to build up Archie’s transformation, which I’m still only 75% behind, you should’ve focused on Veronica and Hermione. Speaking of. . .
4. Agents of H.I.R.A.M.
Are Veronica and Hermione their own people this season? Or, maybe more specifically, since the mid-season finale? Ostensibly they are. Well, Veronica is. She has her relationship with Archie, her relationship with her father, her friendship(?) with Betty and. . .hmm, is that really it? What are their motivations for doing what they’re doing? Hermione went from a very active, conflicted character in season one to whole-hearted mobster’s wife who does nothing except her husband’s bidding.
Is she planning the long game, like we speculated on back during the Black Hood? Probably not. This episode shows that she’s willing to go against Hiram but he still hold the power over the family. Does Hermione want that is the question and its one that’s not explored? Her only interactions are with Veronica or with people around Hiram, in the presence of Hiram.
Same goes for Veronica. What does she want? Hell, what does she know? The writers flip flop on how much she knows all the time. A character could be lying, true, but until that is made manifest for us to see, I have to assume that she’s just inconsistently written. Does she simply want to impress her parents? That seems plausible but then why does Archie know more than Veronica. Does Hiram just think he can manipulate Archie more?
We know Hermione has the chops to manipulate people too so why isn’t she the point person for Archie? Have her groom him to betray Hiram or have him be the patsy for her own betrayal of Hiram. For what end, depends on what kind of a character Hermione is now. We don’t know and that’s a problem.
5. Smithers!
Let’s end this on a light note and one that makes me very excited for next week’s episode. Smithers is back, y’all! I missed the elderly, sardonic butler to the Lodges and now he’s back. For how long and for what purpose, who knows. We missed you buddy. Let’s hope you remain for a little while longer.
And that’s it for this week. I’m sure I missed a lot in this episode, it was packed to the brim with events. I didn’t even touch on Jughead or the tone of the episode. Anyway, let me know if you agreed with anything in the comments. Or if you disagreed. Or if you saw something I missed. Do you want more Cheryl? Do you think the Black Hood is dead? Yes I know he probably is but the show has not done a good job convincing me otherwise. They’re just trying to make me forget with this Chic thing!
Regardless, I’ll see you next week for an episode with a title that’s less, well, obviously ominous.
