The more things change, the more they stay the same. The kids are still their same weird selves, but the world around them? Even more weirder than before. Welcome back to the world of the super dysfunctional superheroes of Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba’s The Umbrella Academy.
Everyone knows that group projects are the worst. And Five may be superpowered, but he’s no exception to that rule. The women also aren’t faring well either: Vanya was pistol-whipped and knocked unconscious when she and Sissy plotted their escape, and Allison and Ray met up with the Swedes. Let’s see if we can get “The Seven Stages” out of these Five Thoughts and get this party started. As always, spoilers within.
Please note that this episode contains sequences with strobe lights that may be disturbing to some viewers.
1. Fractured Families
We’re three episodes away from the end of the world (again) and we’re far from a unified front for all our major players. Grace discovered Reginald’s lab and plans and has a lot of questions, all of which he deftly sidesteps. Is it enough to convince Grace? In the moment, yes. But is this the first step towards eventual Robot Grace, suggesting that Reginald had nefarious means behind creating the robot mom everyone loves?
But that’s nothing for what Five has in store. He’s given up on his brothers and sisters and is ready to do the “unthinkable” – – find himself. In other words, two Fives in the same timeline.
But there are two problems: The first one is one we know: being too close to yourself in the same timeline is a paradox that can cause a lot of damage. The other? Five’s an assassin who’s good at his job.
2. The Seven Stages
The Seven Stages of the title are the seven stages of paradox psychosis, as outlined in the Commission handbook:
- Denial
- Itching
- Extreme Thirst and Urination
- Excessive Gas
- Acute Paranoia
- Uncontrolled Perspiration
- Homicidal Rage
Certainly not pleasant, but a risk Five is willing to take to save the world – – which includes those siblings he’s still real mad at right now.
3. We’ve Gone Looper
So here’s Five’s “unthinkable” plan: confront his older self in 1963 with a bargain: give up the mysterious briefcase that he has in exchange for the proper calculations for the time jump from 1963 to 2019, so Old Five doesn’t end up in Five’s body. This fateful meeting takes place at an Irish pub all decked out to celebrate the “Irish President” (Kennedy) visiting Dallas, with Luther as mediator between the sweaty, thirsty, and itchy versions of his brother.
But Old Five has a better plan: once Luther explains just how the apocalypse came to be (and that the eye that Old Five has, aka Leonard Peabody’s eye, is useless), Old Five figures, why not just go back to 2019 and make nice with their sister? And then, the seventh stage of of paradox psychosis: Old Five wants to put his younger self out of his misery.
Confused yet? Yeah, so was I. It’s a page out of the Looper playbook.
This all doesn’t get resolved by the end of this episode, because that apocalypse is coming knocking. Get ready for some literal and figurative truth bombs.
4. Diego’s New Job
Lila’s intention on kidnapping Diego was for a job offer. Mom Handler gave her freedom to create her own security team, and she is. Mom doth protest that hiring your boyfriend is a bad idea (which leads to one of the best lines of the episode: “Your vagina needs glasses!”) but Mom also can’t say no and sends Diego off to your standard (read: boring) corporate orientation. He takes the opportunity to sneak away to find the Infinite Switchboard, the hub of The Commission’s operation. That may give him answers to preventing the apocalypse.
Last season of Diego spent a fair bit of time on the side thanks to being presumed for murder. This season, he’s stepped up his role a bit in working with Luther, but he’s still somewhat in the shadow. Take him out of the Hargreeves dynamic, and he really gets a chance to take center stage. Maybe these kids do their best work when they’re apart after all.
Continued belowAnd what he discovers is what will propel the rest of this season.
Instead of Kennedy being shot in Dealey Plaza, something blows up at the FBI building, and Kennedy lives. Immediately the fingers point at the USSR (this is 1963 after all, one year removed from the Cuban Missile Crisis), and tensions escalate from Cold War to Mutually Assured Destruction.
Further investigation reveals that it’s not a something that blows up the FBI building, but a someone: Vanya.
And guess where Vanya’s right now?
5. Vanya’s Old Life
If you guessed “FBI building” for the answer to that question, here’s a gold star and a lollipop, because you were right!
The FBI arrested Vanya for questioning because something isn’t right to them about her story. In fact, it’s so not right they think she’s a KGB agent. When she continues not to talk, the agents resort to what is, plain and simple, torture to get their information: electroshock therapy, LSD-infused eye drops. It all leads Vanya on a trip . . . a hallucinatory trip down memory lane where she starts to piece together just who she is and what she’s capable of, culminating in a family dinner of literal brains to bring back those memories. That key to the past unlocked, her powers really take on their fullest form.
Diego, Klaus, and Allison are on their way to the FBI building in the hopes of stopping her, but as they exit the elevator, they are on the cusp of doomsday. (These are some of the scenes where strobe lights are very intense, so those sensitive to such imagery are warned.)
At the same time, back on the farm, Harlan starts mirroring Vanya’s behaviors, right down to her white eyes. It seems when he near drowned back in “The Majestic 12” Vanya transferred some of her powers to Harlan, a sort of imprinting, if you will.
Danger times two. Perhaps Allison, Diego, and Klaus can save Vanya. But only Vanya knows about Harlan, and given how far outside the city they are, the odds of them finding Harlan in time (and having to contend with the homophobic Carl) are . . . rather slim.
There goes the world. If it isn’t Five meeting Old Five to rip apart time, it’s going to be literally blown up.
We’ll see you next Tuesday for the penultimate episode of Season 2, “743,”and let us know what you thought of the episode in the comments!
