Prev–wait…something is wrong here. I…I’m not sure how to handle the intro to this review. We’ve hit a jarring program break that has thrown off my narration and I suddenly don’t know how to bring you, the audience, into this review. Perhaps I should hand it over to Mojo.
Bwahahaha you pussbags wouldn’t know a good intro if I force-fed it to you like Foie Gras! That’s a thing Earthers eat, right? Domo! Tell me what the Earthers eat so I can force-feed it to them!
Riiiight. Anyway. We’re continuing our Summer TV Binge of X-Men: The Animated Series with “Mojovision.” Here’s five thoughts, and I should hope I don’t need to give a warning for a twenty-plus-year-old-show but, as always, beware of spoilers.
1. No Previously On?
Perhaps I’m mistaken but throughout our entire summer binge I don’t believe I’ve ever encountered an episode–short of the pilot–that wasn’t preceded by a “Previously on LOS—errr….X-Men.” It’s weird to see this show launch right into its opening sequence after two seasons worth of Scott Summers and other Smothers Brothers recapping previous installments for us. This also seems like a missed opportunity to have Mojo break down the titular team and their escapades.
Previously on “Mutant Maudlin Masterpiece Theater” a whoooole lot of madness happened! Gambit was a sleazeball and sort-of sexual-misconductor, Storm hated being in a box, and Scott Summers was as bland as cauliflower pizza! Domo! How does this show have an audience?! Where’s the blood?! The guts?! The beautifully bloated host with the voice as smooth as plastic being driven across a cheese grater?! Why did Earther children enjoy this show so much?!
Ahem, thank you, Mojo.
2. A Missed Opportunity
“Mojovision” serves as a filler episode before next week’s finale of our binge: “Reunion.” And filler it is. Rather than fully delve in to one of the most interesting antagonists of the X-Men’s lore, X-Men: The Animated Series went for a commentary on current culture of the time in relation to television. Granted, this is exactly what Mojo is about as a character, but how could they leave out the X-Babies?
Domo! Does this idiot reviewer not realize what those infantile X-tras run in royalty payments?! The last time we featured them we blew the budget on candy alone! They trashed the green room and peed in every corner of the production booth!
3. Prime-Time Parody
Fatter slimer–
How dare he?! Domo! Get our copyright lawyers on the phone
errr—Mojo, runs our heroes through the network TV gauntlet as he attempts to entertain his audience. “Miami Mutants,” “Rogue Star,” and the cringeiest of cringey “I Dream of Jean” sees every trope explored and every “JEEEEEEEEANNNNNNNN” deployed by a Wolverine who refuses to be ignored.
Domo! I take everything back! Get this idiot on the payroll! I need him writing commercial dialogue for every show we air!
I wasn’t exactly speaking highly of your programming bloc–
Shut up shut up shut up and start voicing my commercials you skin-sack carrying those sweet, dulcet tones!
Umm…you’ll have to negotiate something with my editors. I’m under contract he–
Contract, schmontract! I’m gonna make you a star, baby! Dexter Buschetelli’s Midnight Mojo Reviews! It’ll be an instant hit! I’ll put you outside a trailer like that other redneck from your dimension that reviews the children’s programming!
Joe Bob Briggs? That’s not really kid’s–
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP AND LET ME MAKE YOU A STAR!
4. Mojo’s X-traordinary Cameos
“Mojovision” features a number of guest spots and cameos. Beyond Longstar and Spiral being supporting players, we see Wolverine fight Gladiator and the Punisher in the “I Dream of Jean” sequence. What is most curious, though, is a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment of Psylocke sporting her original lavender hair.
Why would that be unusual?! I’ve had her here for years! Wait! Domo! We’re supposed to be keeping that a secret, right?!
Continued below5. A Jungle Picture
While “Mojovision is, indeed, a filler episo–
Stop calling it that!
Ahem. It ends with another sequence of the buddy-comedy adventure that is sure to put some butts in seats featuring everybody’s favorite odd couple–
Domo! This is why we need him on the payroll! Give him a 2% royalty fee!
Professor Xavier and Magneto, who are still trapped in the Savage Land. This is a direct lead in to next week’s season two finale, “Reunion.” I’ve said before, I’m sensing something Sinister–
TV Gold! They’ll riot when they see what we have in store!
Next week in our Summer TV binge will be our last installment–
Whaaaaaaat?!!!! Domo, make sure this gets renewed!
Join us as we come back to review our final entry, the two-part episode “Reunion” and, as always, excelsior!
