Riverdale

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Hoop Dreams”

By Elias Rosner | May 18, 2023 | Television

I think we may have gotten our first legit good episode of season 6. I teared up y’all! Can’t fucking believe that a season with a Flex Mentalloed killer milkman cliffhanger got me like that.

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Dirty Dancing”

By Elias Rosner | May 11, 2023 | Television

The repercussions of Betty & Archie’s late night tryst are brought to bear in the most Riverdale of ways: gossip, embarrassment, and the greatest indignity of all: dancing. On live TV. To the squarest, whitest 50s music ever. For 3 hours after school. Every day. In front of your parents.

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Peep Show”

By Elias Rosner | May 4, 2023 | Television

What’s up river-bitches?! Don’t turn that dial folks because Riverdale promises to show us something revealing and baring it all, or at least all that can be bared on a TV-14 network show. Here’s the thing with promises though, they’re not always kept.

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Tales in a Jugular Vein”

By Elias Rosner | Apr 27, 2023 | Television

Our tales tonight? The pulpy kind, printed on cheap paper with cheaper ink, populated with blessed blood, glorious guts, and sinful…kissing. Ones that will get the goat of a ghastly group of geriatrics by going…for the Jugular.

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Love & Marriage”

By Elias Rosner | Apr 20, 2023 | Television

After coming off a hot and heavy, tighty-whitey S E X U A L L Y charged episode, we needed something to cleanse the palette and remind us of Riverdale’s other main obsession: gruesome and borderline supernatural crimes. Oh and rich men in suits being the absolute fucking worst when it comes to their daughters.

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Sex Education”

By Elias Rosner | Apr 13, 2023 | Television

What’s up river-bitches? It’s time to get freaky and fucky in the most chaste, and TV-14 friendly, ways possible. Sexy Archie is reborn for a new generation. A Boomerier generation. So before I get too ahead of myself, we should get into it. No, not like that. Get your head out of the Kinsley studies.

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Skip, Hop, and Thump!”

By Elias Rosner | Apr 6, 2023 | Television

What’s up river-bitches? The 50s called and they want their Archie back. Sock-hops, by gums, and the scandal of having a BOY in your ROOM are all on display as the crew settles into their new era. I sure hope nothing bad happens. As always, spoilers ahead. 1. The Seduction of the Innocent I feel […]

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Don’t Worry, Darling”

By Elias Rosner | Mar 30, 2023 | Television

Howdy Doodley Riverdaleians. It’s so great to have you here in this joyous start to a new series. A faithful adaptation of everyone’s favorite comic “Archie.” Boy oh boy are we in for a treat.

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Television

Eight Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Night of the Comet”

By Elias Rosner | Aug 1, 2022 | Television

A traditional Riverdale finale is big, bold, and absolutely bonkers. Even the quieter ones had some elements of true nonsense. This season, however, things are reserved. After a season full of the wackiest ideas we’ve seen in a while, it’s fitting.

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “The Stand”

By Elias Rosner | Jul 25, 2022 | Television

Welcome back all you Riverdale fans! This is a whirlwind of a finale. I don’t even know what to tease or talk about here. There’s so much going on, the costumes are over-the-top and amazing, and- Wait. Hold up. Why is there one more episode on my schedule? CW. Don’t do this to me. Don’t […]

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Return to Rivervale”

By Elias Rosner | Jul 18, 2022 | Television

Welcome back all you Riverdale fans! All aboard the Riverdale train! Stopping at Rivervale, WTFville, OHSHITburg, YouGottaBeKiddingMe Village, and the Township of Ludicrous. Make sure you have your first class tickets. You wouldn’t wanna miss the scenery that’s being chewed. As always, spoilers ahead. 1. (Don’t) Stop This Plot I was not ready for how […]

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Television

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “The Witches of Riverdale”

By Elias Rosner | Jul 11, 2022 | Television

Let’s hope that was that last break because I would really like to be done with this season of Riverdale. Don’t get me wrong. I’m loving the utter nonsense we’ve been getting. But this season started in November 2021. I just want to be free.

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Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Hoop Dreams”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Dirty Dancing”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Peep Show”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Tales in a Jugular Vein”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Love & Marriage”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Sex Education”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Skip, Hop, and Thump!”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Don’t Worry, Darling”

Eight Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Night of the Comet”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “The Stand”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “Return to Rivervale”

Five Thoughts on Riverdale‘s “The Witches of Riverdale”

« Previous 1 2 3 4 … 11 Next »