Howdy Doodley Riverdaleians. It’s so great to have you here in this joyous start to a new series. A faithful adaptation of everyone’s favorite comic “Archie.” Boy oh boy are we in for a treat. Get your suede creeper shoes a-moving and stretch those jeans because Riverdale’s taking us all on a trip.
Taka taka taka.
Taka taka taka.
Everything is different, and yet the same. What was past is now present and only I remember what came before, now after. Why can’t I get them to remember? Jason’s death. The Black Hood. Hiram’s absurd, seemingly unvanquishable criminal empire. Griffins, gargoyles, the farm’s rocket, Chipping’s window exit, Archie’s timeless war and the dominance of the CHEESY CRONCH TRIANGLETM.
And the musical episode comet spectacular that sent us back to a time romanticized for all the wrong reasons at best and idolized for its faults at worst.
Am I to pretend to not know? Do I shed the pretenses and write as I once wrote? Is there room – Here. Now. – for this kind of post-modern meta questioning and performative forgetting? This is the last season, after all. Swing for the fences or don’t go up to bat at all. But I feel it slipping through my fingers, like the dirt beneath the Riverdale High bleachers. What should I do, dear reader? Who else am I telling this story to, but you?
…Fuck it. Let’s try this again.
What’s up river-bitches?! We’re BACK from the second longest series break for what promises to be a very, very strange season of Riverdale. After seasons of being edgy, modern, sexy “Archie,” the show, and all its characters, have returned to its comic’s roots as a peddler of anodyne 1950s aesthetics and goofball humor; a statement said with love for many aspects of that “trapped in amber” feel of classic “Archie Digest.”
And that’s why we open on a contingent of characters, new and old, returning from Mississippi after attending the trial, and acquittal, of Emmett Till’s murderers.
I shouldn’t have expected anything less from Riverdale. As always, spoilers ahead.
1. The Sweet Flypaper of Life
Where to start? Where to start? I don’t want to just gloss over that lead in but I also want to start with some groundwork. Lay out where we are, what’s new, and what’s the same. It’ll be fun! And considering the tonal whiplash that is your typical episode of Riverdale, a decent reflection to boot.
So! With the exception of Jughead, who is once again narrating to us via his typewriter, most characters have been reverted to their more standard archetypes circa s1, only more 50s conservative/repressed. Sorta. Archie is once again the goodest boy. Veronica is the rich out-of-towner. Betty is the girl next door. Cheryl is, well, Cheryl, i.e. extra in all that she does. Kevin is…well he’s there. Toni is a rebel and Tabitha is, uh, a nerd? Maybe? She really gets little to do to establish herself sadly.
It really is like a reboot where the Archie comics are “modernized” but retain the aesthetic qualities of the comics. Originally that sentence said “and tonal” as well but really, the tone remains the same as season one with less pulp horror to it. It’s a melodrama that’s ready to play out.
I have to admit, this saddened me a little. I was hoping they’d play up the hyper-reality of Riverdale and apply it to the original Archie aesthetic in a similar way they did to Pops’ in The Sweet Hereafter. That it would satirize and subvert the fake perfection of said aesthetic. That Jughead’s narration and presence would be more than a one-episode hook.
Clearly this year away from the show has gotten me to forget the number one rule of Riverdale: Don’t trust a cliffhanger to pay off.
2. The Ways of White Folks
I’m also split on how the episode handles its discussion of racism in America in the 50s. It, like most attempts in this show to deal with serious, real topics, is simultaneously welcomed and handled with the grace of a toddler playing jenga. Take Toni’s journey to the reading of Langston Hughes’ “Mississippi 1955” over the loudspeakers. It’s illustrative of the times – how Toni cannot get the initial article published or read on TV and having integration used as a defense against accusations of racism, as well as showing how racism is systemically enabled even by “good whites” – yet somehow it’s still divorced from the harshness of reality and thus ends up feeling pat.
Continued belowAnd obviously this is a fake 1950s. That’s baked into the conceit of the episode. Reality will differ and, in fact, that’s kind of the point as we find out at the end. However that doesn’t change the fact that they open the door to having serious conversations by making Tabitha, Toni and Clay Walker, a new character, return from the Emmett Till trial and turn that into the backdrop for the A-plot and then don’t doing anything substantial with it. Instead, it’s used as a way to highlight Betty’s journalistic integrity and open-mindedness and Toni’s clever, rebellious nature.
They’re unable to have actual discussions, can only gesture towards them and make a point about what is moral or right and then move on. Like, what is it like to have a conversation about Emmett Till’s murder in a classroom of mostly white kids from the north? How does one hold it without devolving into platitudes, self-pity/aggrandizement, absolving themselves or forcing Black students to carry the conversation? Is that possible or would it be a frustrating experience without any real reflection on the part of the white students?
I don’t really have answers to those questions and neither does Riverdale. And that’s a damn shame.
3. Not Without Laughter
OK. That’s enough serious. This is Riverdale. Land of Penelope Blossom’s ridiculous “I’m a Christmas Present” outfit and other miscellany. We come to this show for murder, mayhem, and the occasional unhinged Jughead rant. In honor of that, I’m gonna use this thought to put a few unconnected moments or visuals that brought me joy because honestly, this was a messy episode and not what I was hoping it’d be yet someone still giving me exactly what I wanted.
Did you catch the fun little cameos? Midge is back! I missed Midge. I hope she gets to stick around in the background for a bit. Principal Featherstone is also here played by William McDonald aka Warden Norton from season 3 and he looks pitch-fucking-perfect for the role of Chief Asshole at Riverdale High. There was also Dr. Werthers played by Malcolm Stewart who you may recognize as that dastardly DuPont from season 4. We also have Julian Blossom who replaces Jason and seems to be our Reggie stand-in. Daryl & Dilton Doiley are also here! I hope this means we’ll get to see Ethyl Muggs one last time.
Jughead getting to live in a trailer with Hotdog was very fun and I love the set. I hope they return to it throughout the season. Speaking of Jughead, his rant after digging up the time capsule was everything I hoped for from him remembering the past. He can’t organize his thoughts! And the future sounds terrible coming from him because, honestly, it is. And no I won’t be elaborating on that thought.
The opening was a lot of fun and I kinda hope they keep it up with different homage/pastiches. Maybe don’t do another play on Lolita though. Please and thank you.
Poor lonely Veronica. She doesn’t even have s1 Hermione to keep her company. OR SMITHERS!! What a sad state of affairs that there’s no Smithers around.
Lastly, Archie’s stupid hot rod car. It’s so silly! I guess the flames make it go faster. I hope we get to see KJ Apa actually behind the wheel of it by season’s end.
4. Dear Lovely Death
So who do you all think the mystery lady is? I have my doubts it’s Guardian Angel Tabitha and if it’s not, who else remembers? OR who saw Jughead digging up the time capsule and is wondering what that was? I hope it’s revealed to be Ethyl again. She does love to sneak about and was instrumental in saving the universe back in Rivervale. We’ll just have to wait and see.
5. One-Way Ticket
I have a bone to pick with the ending of this episode. Why, oh why, did you get rid of the most interesting part of the current situation and undo the victory from the end of the last season? What possible reason is there to have this be part of the “lose” scenario AND get rid of Jug’s memory? Come ON guys! I guess they wanted excuses to have him be Mr. Burger Man again and not go off with Tabitha.
Continued belowI dunno. Why him having memories about the future is antithetical to “bending the arc towards justice” earlier in history (whatever that looks like in Riverdale) is beyond me? Also, framing things as “societal moral corruption and decay” is always a pretty gross sentiment. Maybe that’s just me. You can do better Angel Tabitha.
That about does it for now! What did you all think of the return of The CWs weirdest and wildest show? You ready for 19 more episodes across 22 weeks of this? Let me know in the comments and I’ll see you in a week for…something 50s I guess? Hopefully it’s something really wacky and not just more plays on s1. Until then, keep rockin’ around the clock Riverdale.
Best Line of the Night:
Cheryl: “J’accuse!”
