Welcome one and all to Multiversity’s very own ‘Witching Hour,’ in which we take a look at Netflix’s Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. This season, join me every Tuesday for your weekly recap. After ending the last episode with a literal bang, Sabrina and her friends must race against the clock in order to save Zelda and Hilda in the penultimate episode of the season.
1. The Wailing Woman
This week’s episode picks up right where we left off last time, Zelda has been shot by Ms. Wardwell (the real one). Zelda, no doubt taken aback by Wardwell’s familiar (friendly?) face, lays on the floor with barely a pulse, her cigarette still lit.
With the aid of Mambo Marie, the voodoo witch, Zelda is stabilized but she’s stuck in Limbo, a place we’ve visited before in the show. Mambo Marie tells Sabrina that it’s up to Zelda to find her way back to the land of the living. But a dark omen appears in front of the Spellman Mortuary, as a Banshee is seen on the property and howls. Prudence informs Sabrina that the creature signifies a death in the Spellman family, possibly more than one.
While in Limbo, Zelda is guided by her “met-tet” Edward Spellman. She goes through her own life as a spectator searching for the solution to all of the coven’s problems.
2. A Different Kind of Coven
With the pagans breathing down their necks, the coven needs magic and fast. Not wanting to siphon the magic and life force of the hedge-witches, Sabrina once again finds a way around making a hard decision and decides that Baxter High’s cheer squad, the Ravenettes could act as a stand in coven for the Church of Night.
In another musical number, Sabrina and her squad perform a rendition of “Hey Mickey” in the halls of the academy, in what Sabrina calls an “Unholy Magdalene.” Using some creepy ass dolls as storage, the coven is able to gain enough energy by draining the squad’s life force. While the satanic witches have never been the shining example of goodness, they’ve usually been in the right and have been easy to root for. This time, however, their spell reeks of desperation and Sabrina knows it. For the first time, I can say and believe that the coven acts with cruel intentions.
3. Daddy’s Back
But it’s probably for the best because both Lucifer and Blackwood return and they’re both out for blood. When Lilith performed the separation ritual, she is able to cut a deal with Blackwood. She basically makes him immortal by bestowing him with the mark of Cain, while he impregnates her with Lucifer’s child.
Upon hearing the news (mazel tov!) Lucifer reminds Lilith that he already has an heir. But just like Faustus Blackwood and Henry VIII along with every other king in a patriarchy, Lucifer gets all hot and bothered at the mere mention of having a son. He insists that Sabrina finish the challenge for her father’s throne, which somehow can’t be stopped now that the Dark Lord has returned.
In the meantime, Blackwood ivades the Academy having aligned himself with the pagans. He means to see every last Spellman dead and reclaim his egg of power. In a strange move, it’s revealed that Dorkus has been unceremoniously slain off camera by her own sister. Agatha has reached a new level of crazy as she tells Blackwood that she’s now good at killing things.
4. The Judas Challenge Pt. 3
Three pieces of Unholy Regalia, Two challengers, One Throne. It all comes down to one final challenge. The last of the unholiest items belong to Judas Iscariot himself, his thirty pieces of silver. As the devil likes to be tricky, Lucifer tells Sabrina where to find Judas. Sabrina seeks Judas out and he tells her that she can betray someone she loves and the silver appears, or seek out the first vampire, Vlad the Impaler. Sabrina is put under Vlad’s spell and when he bites her he writhes in pain. Because of Lucifer’s celestial blood Sabrina is saved from certain doom. She drop kicks Vlad and rightfully says consent is a real thing.
Continued below5. Rejoice, The Green Man Cometh
This is where everything just about falls to pieces. While Sabrina succeeds in getting the silver, she is tricked by none other than Caliban into giving him the prize. Meanwhile, the pagans need a virgin’s blood and Harvey’s the only Fright Club mortal who still hasn’t had sex. And just as Zelda awakens from her comatose state with a solution to the coven’s pagan problem, Blackwood stabs her in the heart having killed Mamba Marie. He also forces Prudence’s hand and she must kill Agatha, right before he kills her as well. The pagans capture the Fright Club, and kill Robin and Nick before sacrificing Harvey to power the Green Man, a giant plant like god that stirs and releases a kind of green mist. Pan calls it “The end of all flesh.”
So…Yeah. Things look pretty bleak for Greendale. And the world. If only there were some kind of Dues Ex-Machina, some temporally powered egg laying around. Oh, wait… Join me next week for the season finale!
